Blog entry for:

but my lack of self-confidence may keep me from trying. or not! anyhow here i sit in the airport writing this little ditty to the cyberworld, waiting to jet out for a weekend of service. i did what i needed to do yesterday, and actually asked for feedback before disturbing the hornet’s nest that i was angry about. hmmm, asking for help and following suggestions, not my normal modus operendi, maybe i can dare to dream because i am really getting better. well anyhow, thinking about my FEAR of dreaming because i lack self confidence. those who interact with me on a daily basis, would probably not say that self-confidence is something that i lack, they would probably say that i suffer from an over abundance of self confidence, and perhaps i do. maybe that is the answer to my deficit of dreams these days. although i look self-confident, somewhere deep inside is a part of me that thinks this is all a sham.
okay, so i can still lie to myself, and i can still believe that i am not worth dreaming, or perhaps i am just waiting to see what my next crop of dreams will be. i am still surprised of how many dreams have come true during my journey through recovery, so i just have to be patient, listen carefully, and allow the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN, to fill me with new updated dreams. so the footwork for that? step work, service, involvement in my life and most of all being as present for what is really happening. i could quite easily dive into mysticism, but instead i will just save this and get ready to board my plane. i am after all about to leave on a jet plane!

∞ DT ∞