Blog entry for:

recovery with grace, as in balance and poise and not necessarily a free and undeserved favor, especially from God, is something that i needed to pause and ponder, even before i dipped into the void that is my daily twenty minute exercise. i am always ill at ease when this whole topic of grace or miracles is introduced, as it really does not fit with the spiritual path to which i follow. my source material used the metaphor of dancing as a vehicle to separate living a program of recovery from living a life based on self-centered, selfish self-will and the grace it spoke of was quite different from what i usually “hear” the topic of grace is put in front of me.
listening to the quiet on the leap day, i heard that i can walk with grace through my recovery, when i am present and living a program of active recovery. i know that i am more than a bit more diligent in my practice than many of my peers, and following the “choreography” of the program, is an important tenet of my day to day existence. it seems by nature, possibly nurture, that i am a very reactive person, who prefers to act now and beg for forgiveness, rather than seek permission. when i am living in the grace of active recovery, that part of me may not be suppressed, but i get the opportunity to pause and possibly change the course of my history, by responding. each and every time i follow the lead of the program that has brought me this far, it gets easier the next time and i need not go down the path of justifying my behavior as i ask for forgiveness.
these days i am not pleased with the pace of my physical recovery to the injury i sustained as i descended from the summit of Kilimanjaro. i want to be able to hike and run and sleep pain free for eight hours and yet none of that has come to pass, yet. i persevere, doing what i can, but my disappointment with my physical recovery is coming out sideways in my personal relationships and how i interact with the world around me. even though i am about to commemorate my sixty-seventh trip around the sun, i still think i can heal as if i am still in my twenties, and that cognitive dissonance spills out in all sorts of nasty ways. falling back into step with my dance of active recovery, i can allow myself the freedom to feel disappointed. that disappointment, however, need not be taken out on others and certainly does not need to hinder me from working out. it just means that i do not push myself too hard and listen to what my body is telling me, instead of obeying my head. so it is off into this cold and sunny morning to get some steps in and raise my heartbeat for an hour. it is the next right thing to do, just for today.

∞ DT ∞