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😧 i still bear 😧
posted: Sat, Feb 22, 2025 02:20:43 PM

 

the scars from my previous attempts at trusting others, even after i have been clean for a minute. some of them the more long-lasting ones, are from situations that i had no power over and from people whom i trusted and loved. over time, the pain from those scars has diminished, but for this addict anyhow, those scars will always be a part of me. my choice is whether or not i choose to dwell in that house of pain and isolate and keep myself protected, or take the risk and put myself “out there.” those unpleasant experiences and the hurt i felt for time immemorial, continue to shape my recovery today, however, i no longer allow them to determine my path through my life. i have learned that i can trust, i can be intimate and i can survive the transient pain of being betrayed, as that too shall pass.
as i went over step work with a man who calls me his sponsor this morning, i reflected on how step work changed me from being an insular asshole, into being the man i am today. once upon a time, i would have just listened and saved all my comments until my sponsee had finished reading what he had written. these days, i participate in that process, sharing the bits of myself that are appropriate to what they are sharing. i do not know if that brings me any closer to them, as my intention is to show them that i did not get to where i am, overnight. i have found the ways and means to be present for those in my life, to maintain and foster a loving and equal relationship and how to be a friend and confidant. none of that was possible back in the day and there is much to say about using the men i called my sponsors to teach me that not everyone is out to get me and that trust and concern is not a zero sum game. just for today, i think i will leave it at that and get out to enjoy this bout of spring-like weather in the Rockies.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

↔  my will -- God’s will ↔ 319 words ➥ Tuesday, February 22, 2005 by: donnot
α discovering the inconsistencies between my behavior and my values α 511 words ➥ Wednesday, February 22, 2006 by: donnot
¿ i may discover inconsistencies between my behavior and my values. i have been acting on my own will, ¿ 451 words ➥ Thursday, February 22, 2007 by: donnot
∞ i have found that the more i live in harmony with the will of my HIGHER POWER, the greater the harmony in my life. ∞ 483 words ➥ Friday, February 22, 2008 by: donnot
∞ in many cases, i find that my actions have been in tune with the will … 524 words ➥ Sunday, February 22, 2009 by: donnot
∞ in my life, i have found, that the more i live in harmony ∞ 765 words ➥ Monday, February 22, 2010 by: donnot
« i continue to take personal inventory and when i am wrong promptly admit it » 398 words ➥ Tuesday, February 22, 2011 by: donnot
≈ when i am acting on my own will and not that ≈ 356 words ➥ Wednesday, February 22, 2012 by: donnot
⇑ i wish to live in harmony with my world. ⇑ 472 words ➥ Friday, February 22, 2013 by: donnot
∏ with a growing awareness of what the will of the POWER ∏ 424 words ➥ Saturday, February 22, 2014 by: donnot
¤ i am more likely to live in greater concord ¤ 697 words ➥ Sunday, February 22, 2015 by: donnot
↳ GOD*s will, ≀ 697 words ➥ Monday, February 22, 2016 by: donnot
✫ uncovering the inconsistencies ✬ 873 words ➥ Wednesday, February 22, 2017 by: donnot
🎜 in tune 🎝 799 words ➥ Thursday, February 22, 2018 by: donnot
💫 any dissonance 💫 571 words ➥ Friday, February 22, 2019 by: donnot
🔬 being in tune 🔬 583 words ➥ Saturday, February 22, 2020 by: donnot
📉 dissonance 📈 596 words ➥ Monday, February 22, 2021 by: donnot
🎥 measuring each 🎦 353 words ➥ Tuesday, February 22, 2022 by: donnot
🕊 living in 🕊 406 words ➥ Wednesday, February 22, 2023 by: donnot
🤫 building trust 🤔 406 words ➥ Thursday, February 22, 2024 by: donnot

☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

1) When a reconciliation is effected (between two parties) after a
great animosity, there is sure to be a grudge remaining (in the mind
of the one who was wrong). And how can this be beneficial (to the
other)?