Blog entry for:

One of the nice parts about being on vacation and writing these, without posting them, is that I get to edit them before I make them public. Not that there are wholesale changes I will make or have made, but I did forget to acknowledge a clean date in yesterday's entry, and that has been rectified. Something I was thinking about editing, but will leave in is the fact, that I thought I was in a subtropical paradise, in reality, Mazatlan is 21 nautical miles south for the Tropic of Cancer, hence in the tropics, after all. This morning, however, I could question that destination as it is currently 55 degrees Fahrenheit, but that will change soon. All of that , I guess, is leading up to this, that today as well as yesterday, there is nothing I NEED to blow up out of proportion. There are no big things that I need t diminish to molehills either and that is the the jumping off point of this entry.
I have a peer, who often shares about perspective and the control they can wield over their feelings and their reactions through changing their perspective. I understand what they are trying to say, and I am far from any sort of agreement with that sort of assessment of how to live. It was not my perspective that got me into this whole mess, it was me, trying to control my inner self by altering my perspective on the world through the use of substances. If I could take the edge off, I was a much less edgy person. Relief was always just a swallow away, and any situation could be made better with just a quick fix. For me, the trick was always about changing my perspective, instead of looking at the reality of the situation. Today, I am finding tht those tiny little annoyances that come from the fact that I do not live in a vacuum, are what are the bothersome and irksome events of my day. Is it really worth a ticket to gain that thirty second advantage on my daily commute? Are events so pressing in my life, that I need to grumble at the patron in front of me that is chatting up the cashier? Have I forgotten to take the time to realize that I was born into privilege and affluence, just because I was fortunate enough to be born in the USA in the fifties, should I really be complaining that my shrimp are a bit on the tough side? Maybe that is shifting my perspective, or maybe, as I like to think of it, it is just countering the selfish and self-centered parts of me, and accepting that even though I once believed it, the world will turn and go on, whether or not I like it.
It really is not about perspective or lenses, or any other metaphor one cares to toss at it. When I see the small things, heck even the big things, as a punishment or evidence that something is not working, than I am in trouble. I have lost my sense of who I am and where I want to go and it is time to stop, pause and reflect on what is happening in my life. No I have not all of a sudden become some spiritual giant with beams of light radiating out of my orifices, but what I am becoming is someone who is learning his place in the world, and that life just is. It is not super stupendous and perfect, nor is it fVcked and in severe need of repair. once upon a time is was in severe need of repair, today, however, it just is, and that is not a matter of shifting my perspective, that attitude comes as a result of removing the judgement about whether something is “good” or “bad,” from my build in and instantaneous judge, jury and executioner. The emotional reaction I have to the events that roll through my life are based on the very subjective criteria of whether or not I like them. When I base my notions of good and bad on whether or not I like or dislike something than I am certainly falling into the trap of the illusion that I can control things, especially my feelings and the world around me. I am not GOD, nor do I play GOD anymore, and just for today, whether or not my shrimp are perfectly cooked or not, I am grateful that I have the material and spiritual gifts in my life that allows me the opportunity to get away for a week and not have to scramble to catch-up on what happened while I fell off the grid. Time to make the donuts, oh no wait, I am not going to be working today, just chilling, tanning, swimming and enjoying a cigar, it is after all a great day to be clean and present for whatever comes down the pike.

∞ DT ∞