Blog entry for:

to the care of my HIGHER POWER results in peace of mind and a refreshed perspective on life.
so here i sit, once more listening to lovely hold music as tech support tries to fix the same problem i have been asking about for the past two days. so being as efficient as i am, i have decided to do a bit of multi-tasking instead of fuming and getting upset by the seemingly endless beautiful hold music. and of course nothing is anyone’s fault. so here i sit frustrated and hardly at ease about something i have absolutely no power over. the reading is a reminder that only i can make this little problem any larger or more important than it is. i am the inflater, my client has been patient, tech support has been helpful, and yet all i want to do is rail at someone about how they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing -- it is making me look bad and GAWD how i hate to look bad PERIOD!
my solution -- go walk my dog, take a shower, and come back in thirty minutes. simply elegant and that is what i will do. perhaps i will add a postscript later.

∞ DT ∞

a post script: yes the walk in the refreshing morning air helped me to step away from a situation and allowed me to put things in perspective. i do want to get started on this new project so i can finish it, but in the larger scheme of things i am coming to realize that if i let it go, i do not need to be obsessed with the little things that are happening today. the truth of the matter is that i have been through some very devastating events in my recovery and i got through them without resorting to the use of a mind-numbing substance,. the truth is that i have been through some hugely wonderful events in my recovery and even than i did not need to celebrate my getting through them by using. most days i somehow think i should handle the little frustrations better, and the part of me i call my disease tells me that i am somehow a failure because i let them pile up and loom like an avalanche over my head. and of course that is when the FEAR that i am never going to be able to handle these little setbacks any better kicks in. intellectually i understand that i have only a couple of reactions to FEAR -- fight and defeat whatever it is that i am afraid of, or run away. i choose not to run away into chemical bliss, so some days i feel that my only alternative is to fight tooth and nail. i forget that that i have a HIGHER POWER that does take care of me, if i allow that to happen, and that choice is the one i making right now. i am hereby officially letting go of the frustrations of the early morning and moving on. and perhaps i can do so for the rest of the day -- only time will tell!