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are not what is affecting my recovery today. what is driving me to distraction as i grieve for my Mom, use the sparse funds that i have been able to access to keep her finances up to date and dealing with the sale of her house, is my over-entitled victim of a niece who seems to believe that she is owed something more than a place to live as she does not get her life together. telling her the truth and owning my part in allowing her to keep living as she has been, has made her see me as mean. not giving her positive reinforcement on a daily basis, makes me the bad guy. there once a time in my life where i would have internalized that bullshit and been all over myself to “make things right.” these days, all it does is make me sad, that someone who has the capability to be something more chooses to live in the bubble world of being victim and denying that she is where she is, because she made choices that did not lead to the outcomes she expected. it is so hard to stay rational when i could quite easily become a victim of her projections, assumptions and judgements. choosing to go down that path, is not part of the man i happen to be these days and i reject that possibility out of hand.
today, after yet another txt battle with her, i am sitting here wondering why i ever let myself get into this place. i believe it was out of love and respect for her, but it has gotten way out of hand. i have a bit more listening to do, but the one thing i am sure of is that it is not my stuff anymore and i no longer need to take it on. how this all plays out in the future is yet to be determined, but i am sure i have not reached the end of this story and there are several more chapters yet to be written. on that happy note, i believe i will put this to bed and get the dawg out for a walk, grateful that i can be okay, even when there are storms swirling around me, or i just stub my toe, you know, small matters! 😁

∞ DT ∞