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i also hear many things that end-up not working for me, it is when i kick myself out of the active listening mode, that i miss what may be something that i NEED. another year, and another wait for my sponse to heal again. this year, his trauma is self-induced as he has taken his first step to becoming a bionic being, with a total knee replacement. the surgery went well, i am just waiting for him to come back from the post-surgical haze that the judicious use of pain killing medication puts him into. in the meantime i can learn what i need to hear as i sit here in the, “how unmanageable my life is,” portion of my FIRST STEP. going to meetings where there are bunches of FNGs, who are actually doing step work with a sponsor is an excellent place for me to hear what i need to hear as i wait and wait to work through this step. it amazes me how closed i had become to what they are saying, after all, this is not my first trip around the 12 step block. i am actually discovering, at least these days, i can learn more from an addict with 30 days clean, that i can from one who has 30 years clean, as they are actually presenting what they see without the filter of thinking they have something to teach me.
speaking of current teachers:

LINDA L -- SEVEN YEARS CLEAN! -- YOU ROCK, MY FRIEND! -- KEEP COMING BACK

okay back to the task at hand, active listening. so the the trick for me right now, is to shutdown the filter that sets the judge in motion when i think i just heard some spin or bullsh!t or whatever you want to call it. at least when it comes to my acquaintances, peers and friends withing the recovery network to which i have become attached. i, like many i am sure, think i know a thing or two about recovery, and when i start to hear something, that sounds like it might not fit into that knowledge base, BINGO, time to pitch the whole load of crap. hence i do not hear something that i may need to hear. my ability to shut that filter down varies from day to day, and like my reactions to the manner people around are driving their cars, it has become one of the indicators of my spiritual fitness. the trouble is, this alarm does not chirp loud enough and with enough persistence to get my attention most of the time, so i lose what i NEED to be gaining.
what to do? well first off, be present for what is going on in the back of my head. even the addict who has three years clean, but has yet to work a single step, just may have something to offer me. it is my own stuff that prevents me from hearing what they may be telling me. so today i am grateful for my ability to be present and will do what i can to knock the judge off his high perch and hear what need to be heard.

∞ DT ∞