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value of one addict helping another is best demonstrated, in my opinion anyhow, through what i hear when i actively listen to one of my peers share their experience, strength and hope. as part of what i shared last evening was the trope that i hear many of my peers parrot when they share: “the longer i stay clean, the less i know.” to me, that statement reeks of false humility as i certainly know a whole lot more about myself and the recovery process, than when i did, way back when. that little bon mot generated all sorts of conversation around the campfire last night and what i walked away with was the notion that the longer i stay clean, the more i realize how much more there is yet for me to learn. one of my favorite activities is a lively conversation with my peers about the clichés and bot mots that fill our fellowship and what they may actually mean to each individual.
after hearing another of my peers share, a long drive home after a restless night, i was far from serene when i walked in the door. it took a shower and a walk with the dawg, before i could decompress enough to be present for my spouse and myself. after catching up on the news of the world and strolling my way to my step goal. i was finally ready to sit down and pound this out. i have to admit, that i got lost in what my peer was sharing this morning and found myself drifting away. i would love to use as he said the “blame-thrower” to say it was his fault, but i am more than certain it was on me. i found what he was saying a bit on the trite side and very general, and when that judgement machine kicked in, well some of the time everything after that event is just white noise. i did not actively listen to what he was sharing and the one who missed out was me.
i am, however, weary and ready to chill out. instead of beating myself up and getting worked up about what i did not do, i will chalk it up to being human and move on. life is too short to wonder about if only i …

∞ DT ∞