Blog entry for:

in spite of conflict may seem to be two rather disparate concepts, as i can easily attest to, in the course of my experience with life in general. getting clean, did little to show me the ways and means to disagree without being disagreeable, after all, when one is correct, one has the right to promote that outlook with extreme prejudice. no, it took a few steps, some actual experience in service and more than a minute in recovery for me to uncover within myself, what i needed to be of service and part of a group conscience, without having to be the loudest, most obnoxious, self-righteous bastard in the room. in the course of becoming a part of, i saw a few new tricks to that trade, specifically bolstering my position with answers to carefully crafted questions that could support it. i have also seen what happens when self-will and duplicity rule and what could have been, sinks into ashes because it was never really supported by anyone but the one who insisted it had to happen. the irony here is that some of my half-baked ideas are still being used in the service bodies on which i once served.
before i go too far down the rabbit hole…

Linda L,
CONGRATS on XX (20) years of JFT.

…moving forward into this topic, i know that i have a passion for my fellowship and the message we carry. i also know that i have very strong opinions on how that message needs to be carried, hearkening back to the days where we certainly lost more than a few addicts, with our language that was seemingly harsh and unforgiving. i am not all that sure that the “softer and kinder” language of some of my peers is any more attractive than the language used in the past and i certainly do not see more potential members coming back for more. i can say that for me, it took being told in no uncertain terms what the consequences of not learning how to live a program, for me to get out of my raft of rationalizations and justifications and come to the shore of the reality of what it means to be an addict. it is that experience that informs my opinions of how stuff should be done, to this day.
does all of that put me into conflict with more than one of my peers in recovery? of course it does! denying that i may have a point, does no one any good, but me putting my opinion of how things “need” to be done above that of my peers does little to further our cause. i am learning to express what i feel, without tromping on others, slowly and surely. as i progress towards that ideal, i find myself in less conflict and in greater harmony within my community. being correct does not mean i have to go into the “i told you so” mode, but it odes mean that the next time, when i express my thoughts, quietly and firmly, that maybe they will listen, or not! 🤪 just for today, i will do my best to practice harmony when conflict arises.

∞ DT ∞