δ the ability to listen actively was unknown to me in the isolation of my addiction δ
Posted: Fri, Aug 11, 2006 09:49:08 AM
and can still be a difficult for me to do on a moment by moment basis, after all i have more important things to do than to listen to someone drivel on and on about things that really do not matter, or do i????
when i find myself thinking in that mode, i really have to wonder what is up, after all you guys come to this site and read the mindless drivel i write every day.
what is really going on when i cannot actively listen to what other are trying to share? well it can be a combination of things, perhaps i am so obsessed with what is going on in my life, that i cannot shut down my thought train long enough to actually be a participant in a conversation. and while that may be true, it is no excuse. perhaps i have strong negative feelings for the person who is sharing their stuff with me and i start a rebuttal in my head before even listening to what they are trying to say, and that too is no excuse, if i am negatively affected by a person it is dishonest for me to pretend that i am listening to them. or maybe it is that i am exercising being judgmental and self-righteous, you know just a couple of my more enduring and charming defects of character. then i am a lost cause for that conversation and i end up having to make things right after i inventory my stuff later. once again no excuse, just one of the many plausible explanations, or how about this, i have just not come to the place in my recovery where i have the ability to listen actively? the old i am too sick refrain, one of my favorites, and one i hear over and over again playing in my own head! after all if i fall back to the position that i am not fit to actively listen, it removes the responsibility to actively listen from me. and the coolest thing of all, that i am not fit refrain excuses everything and the blame shifts away from me and on to you! one of my most favorite games -- blame shifting!
i am more than a bit surprised that this little blog went in that direction this morning and i can always say i am too sick to do anything but spew a bit of venom!
no the real truth is that i have been discovering this almost daily for the past ten days or so, and am not very happy with this little discovery. after all i should be better than this after all thee days ;-)
so back to the topic, what can i do to become a more active listener? well the best thing would be to let go of my shortcomings accept that i am far from perfect and do the next right thing, which right here and right now is to post this blog and do some more work! so ta-ta for now!
when i find myself thinking in that mode, i really have to wonder what is up, after all you guys come to this site and read the mindless drivel i write every day.
what is really going on when i cannot actively listen to what other are trying to share? well it can be a combination of things, perhaps i am so obsessed with what is going on in my life, that i cannot shut down my thought train long enough to actually be a participant in a conversation. and while that may be true, it is no excuse. perhaps i have strong negative feelings for the person who is sharing their stuff with me and i start a rebuttal in my head before even listening to what they are trying to say, and that too is no excuse, if i am negatively affected by a person it is dishonest for me to pretend that i am listening to them. or maybe it is that i am exercising being judgmental and self-righteous, you know just a couple of my more enduring and charming defects of character. then i am a lost cause for that conversation and i end up having to make things right after i inventory my stuff later. once again no excuse, just one of the many plausible explanations, or how about this, i have just not come to the place in my recovery where i have the ability to listen actively? the old i am too sick refrain, one of my favorites, and one i hear over and over again playing in my own head! after all if i fall back to the position that i am not fit to actively listen, it removes the responsibility to actively listen from me. and the coolest thing of all, that i am not fit refrain excuses everything and the blame shifts away from me and on to you! one of my most favorite games -- blame shifting!
i am more than a bit surprised that this little blog went in that direction this morning and i can always say i am too sick to do anything but spew a bit of venom!
no the real truth is that i have been discovering this almost daily for the past ten days or so, and am not very happy with this little discovery. after all i should be better than this after all thee days ;-)
so back to the topic, what can i do to become a more active listener? well the best thing would be to let go of my shortcomings accept that i am far from perfect and do the next right thing, which right here and right now is to post this blog and do some more work! so ta-ta for now!
∞ DT ∞