Blog entry for:

in meetings that i pay attention to what the speaker is sharing, while the speaker is sharing. putting away my cell phone and all other distractions that i may have brought into the meeting with me. before i get rolling, however a quick shout out:

LINDA L
Congrats on celebrating 10 years of ‘just for todays’ in a row
Thank you for sticking around!

yes, i did say it, PUT away my phone and actually be present in the moment of the meeting. there once was a time when i was much better at being present for what was going on at ,meetings, than came my smart phone, social connection and a whole bunch of living. i just gotta text anyone who is not at the meeting and respond instantly to their text messages. i just gotta text something snarky about what the speaker nay be sharing to someone i know who appreciates the joke. of course, there is always angry birds to distract when i get bored. in short, i have developed a version of “recovery ADHD” when it comes to meetings lately. especially big meetings where i can sit in the back and go unnoticed as i do everything possible not to listen. the best part, or worst depending on how one views it, is that i can rationalize my behavior away, by saying to myself, that so and so, never has anything to share save: the same old story, a bumper sticker or two, and a very mixed message, so why bother listening? wonderful work when one can find it! it gets better than that, when i catch myself acting in this manner, i say well i am just a dark and cynical guy anyhow, so i am just being true to myself! which unfortunately is thew slide down the chute to active addiction, as i have just separated myself from the pack of recovery and am now on the fringes, tempting the wolf of active addiction to snatch me up and take me away, to mix a metaphor or two.
i could join the pack again, by saying i “like” this reading, however like is not a description of an emotional reaction, so better put, i find this reading a bit disturbing, as it finds me way off the mark, and when i get disturbed, i can see a course for action, at least in some respects, especially when it comes to my behavior in large meetings. as i get further up the path of recovery, precision in the language i use, becomes more and more necessary, as language, at least for me, IS MY GREATEST ENEMY AT TIME. language provide the smokescreen for what i may be feeling and allows me to duck down allies that are not necessarily safe. when i get back to reality, as active listening can do for me, i see that the only person i hurt when i drift off in a meeting is me. part of the e FAITH i have built up over the years is that i GET everything i need, when i am present for what is going on in my life, that includes some piece of information crucial to my well-being coming from one of the master of clicheés, because after all, they are only labelled as such, because i choose to label them that way, so i can dismiss what they are saying and return to doing anything but being present.
where does this leave me? well, perhaps, i can remember where the POWER to stay clean comes from and how information is imparted to me from that POWER and allow myself the freedom to listen to every single word and idea in all the meetings i may happen to find myself at today. it is after all a good day to be an active participant in my recovery.

∞ DT ∞