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i just happen to be in the paraphrasing mode this morning. actually what i heard in the reading this morning was so much beyond the little teaser that was provided that i just was compelled to change my seed to fit it.
anyhow, that particular disclaimer being put out front, as i sit here this morning i am trying first and foremost is it really worth it to put on my rain gear and do a work out, or perhaps, just maybe, i need to just listen and take another day off from my physical fitness program. how in the world does my concern with physical fitness fit into the topic of developing a spiritual fitness. well if one were to ask me that 5000 days ago i would have said that they were not related in any sense, as the spiritual is just a superstitious construct created by the ruling classes to keep the populace in control, by using the carrot of eternal reward and the stick of eternal damnation, based on the behavior in the brief span of years that is the course of a single 's conscious existence. if you think that is cynical, that is just a taste of who i was before starting my journey on this path. so somewhere after 4991 days ago, that cynical side was softened and worn away, based on my actual experience with the spiritual side of my journey through recovery. as my seed indicates, for me, to accept this whole spiritual package there had to be REAL, MEASURABLE, TANGIBLE results in my every day life. honestly, if i had discovered that NONE of this worked i would have been long gone. i am still not as patient as i could be, but far more patient and yes more open-minded than i once was. all of that being said, i did not swallow this particular brand of Kool-Aid for a long time, and instead of gulping it down, i needed to sip and see what would happen.
enough talk about once was, where i am today is far more relevant and what i heard when i quieted down in my morning meditation. it seems my whole reason from having to go down this path this morning, is that i am often amazed by who i am becoming. yes the spiritual side of this recovery gig, is sometimes more than i can stomach and i fall back into the cynicism. yes, i get sick to my stomach at times when some member goes on and on about a particular branch of the spiritual experience, and quite honestly it is not just the Christians that provoke that response in me. nor is it just those who share in praise of one path over another, those who denigrate or whine about the paths are just as off-putting to me.
for me, this spiritual journey is very deep and moving and YES, highly personal, far beyond my capability to put into words. the effects have been manifest in my life over and over again, as evidenced by my continuing to be a part of the fellowship that put me on this path. truthfully, if i believed that this was all bunk, i would have been back to the so-called life a very long time ago. so the experience of members who have more experience in recovery and applying the spiritual side of this in a practical manner is always something i am seeking. for me, clean time is irrelevant about where this knowledge comes from, as it is the application rather than theoretical that is important to me. one of the symptoms of someone who may be able to provide me a greater understanding, is tolerance and respect of the whole spiritual and religious spectrum that is the fellowship that has given me this manner of living. what i have discovered as time goes by, as my step work gets worked and as i become more of the man i have always wanted to be, is part of why active addiction took me to where it did, was my lack of tolerance of the possibility of as spiritual side to life. i truly believed the rational precluded the spiritual PERIOD. while i no longer see that as absolutely true, i am have to flip to the opposite side either, i am living in the happy medium that both the rational and the spiritual worlds exist and i have access to both. in some place they overlap and others, well, i do not have to sort all that out today,. what i do have to sort out, is where my spiritual path is going inn the here and now. so what is that?
in a nutshell, there is a POWER that fuels my recover. that POWER provides for my needs and allow me the creative freedom to explore the path ahead. that POWER gives me the information i NEED to make informed decisions, but DOES NOT punish or reward based on my decision-making process. i am responsible for accessing that conformational and applying it in my life and the program of recovery gives me the tools to do so. what i am hearing right here and right now, is it is time to hit the showers and move into my next task for the day. it is after all a good day to be clean, as well as revel in the fact that the rain is still falling and although i cannot run, at least i can exercise my spiritual fitness, just for today.

∞ DT ∞