⊥ i have no control over the challenges life gives me ⊥
Posted: Sun, Oct 28, 2012 06:37:24 PM
what i can control is how i react to those challenges.
after a weekend at convention and an afternoon of catching up with work, i almost went to a meeting without writing this. honestly, i really did not think i had much to say, BUT and yes it is a big one, now that i am happily typing away, i can see just a few quick thoughts of how well i am reacting to the challenges life has thrown at me today. there really has not been all that many, and if i look at what i did accomplish today, i can see, that everything i set out to do, is done. the real question, is why i feel so spent, used-up and without any energy. it is not like traversed the entire state. part of it, comes from a conversation i had last night, that was echoed this morning in another conversation or two. what i am feeling now, is anger at some of those whom i judge to have service-based recovery, rather than recovery based service. most of all, it is me and my attitude toward moving forward in my recovery program that is the most distressing. all of this seems to be piling up on my shoulders and if i share tonight, i am not quite certain that i will share anything but the mess. hence my reluctance to suit-up and show up as the saying goes. what i am going to do, is say goodbye, log-off, take a minute to let my head catch-up with my heart and head on out to the meeting. everything after that will be up to the the POWER that fuels my recovery, because today, i have FAITH that, that POWER can save me from myself.
after a weekend at convention and an afternoon of catching up with work, i almost went to a meeting without writing this. honestly, i really did not think i had much to say, BUT and yes it is a big one, now that i am happily typing away, i can see just a few quick thoughts of how well i am reacting to the challenges life has thrown at me today. there really has not been all that many, and if i look at what i did accomplish today, i can see, that everything i set out to do, is done. the real question, is why i feel so spent, used-up and without any energy. it is not like traversed the entire state. part of it, comes from a conversation i had last night, that was echoed this morning in another conversation or two. what i am feeling now, is anger at some of those whom i judge to have service-based recovery, rather than recovery based service. most of all, it is me and my attitude toward moving forward in my recovery program that is the most distressing. all of this seems to be piling up on my shoulders and if i share tonight, i am not quite certain that i will share anything but the mess. hence my reluctance to suit-up and show up as the saying goes. what i am going to do, is say goodbye, log-off, take a minute to let my head catch-up with my heart and head on out to the meeting. everything after that will be up to the the POWER that fuels my recovery, because today, i have FAITH that, that POWER can save me from myself.
∞ DT ∞