Blog entry for:

a plain old **bad attitude** or is my life really that bad? i would love to say that i am one of those people who walk around with a smile in their heart and see each setback, big or little, as another opportunity for growth. the fact of the matter is, i am not and i accept that and own that. it is my responsibility, therefore, to keep from spreading what i see as dank and dark, to all of those around me. even though i have been writing about the new balance and serenity that has taken hold within me, i still have yet to be transformed into something i am not. lamenting about what i am not, however, is not what i “heard” this morning. what i did “hear” once i got all the silly fantasy football stuff out of my head, was to walk with purpose to “fix” the financial mess i have put myself in, by living smaller, in a more sane manner. there was a time, where looking more affluent than i am, was what i was all about and it nearly cost me everything. owning that i have to work and have to save and yes have to pay back what i owe, in the here and now, need not create a dark cloud under which i need to reside. in this respect, learning to live well within my means, as heinous as it may feel to me, is a very good opportunity for leaning and yes, even spiritual growth.
this morning, as i prepare to step out and enjoy some time with friends, watching what might be the worst game of the season for the home team, i realize that i am far more affluent than i want to admit. i have a warm place to sleep, i have a cell phone, internet, a full stomach, as car that is paid for in full and the ability to become more spiritually fit, just for today. what i want and what i need, may actually be merging into a single track, at least in the here and now, and yes to save $100 a month on my health insurance, i will have to give up cigars, at least for a little while. once again, what i feel is being forced upon me, is actually a choice i GET to make. wailing about that choice and gnashing my teeth, does nothing to relieve me of that choice and the decision i will need to make in the next few weeks. once again, needs versus wants and in this instance i know which is which.
as i prepare to exit the building and head on over to watch some football, i can be okay knowing that IF i choose to follow my heart, rather than manipulate the crap out of every situation, by following my head, things will work out the way they are supposed to, even if it does not look like something i DESIRE. it is after all, my catering to DESIRE to get something for nothing, that has landed me in this situation.

∞ DT ∞