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i do, seems to be working against me and i just cannot seem to catch a break, then i NEED to stop, take a breath and listen to what it is i am feeling. once upon a time, that would have been frustration, anger teetering on the edge of rage, and mule-headed stubbornness, to make the outcome exactly as i desired. it is not that i am all that much better theses days, as this default and familiar behavior is still in my repertoire of actions i want to take. my takeaway this morning is that even though i MAY want to act that scenario out, i do NOT have to do so.
today, i have a choice, and default, familiar or old, no matter how i choose to label any of the actions i may take,no longer need to be where i go. as my reaction time to the various events in my life lengthens, i can be more loving, more kind and certainly less vengeful and ready to spew the shite i may be feeling, all over the landscape, infecting everyone with a little drop of my vile and pernicious poison. work has been especially tough for me these days. as it is NOT what i want to be doing and i lack any passion at all for what they pay me very well to do. it is my customers and co-workers that get the brunt of the pile of gooey pus i feel towards my job and as i take the next 10 days away form the office, i may get the perspective i need to get become more accepting and tolerant of my current situation. not quite a spot inventory, but certainly a way for me to assess where i am and where i want to be going.
right now? well i am wrapping this up and getting ready to head on over to Boulder for a nosh with friends and a meeting. not sure what this day will bring, but i know that IF i pay attention to what i am feeling, i may just get through it, without hammering everyone and everything that appears to be getting in my way.

∞ DT ∞