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okay, i admit it, i read various articles from the New York Times every day to keep a fresh perspective on the liberal, do-gooder slant on the real world. i probably should also read a Murdoch site, to counter-balance that as well, but i read other sources to provide a better perspective on my world view. anyhow, that long preamble comes down to this, there was an article in Times, lamenting the fact that poor Johnny Manziel, was humiliated on draft day, by being picked 22nd, and somehow it is this dehumanizing manner in which professional athletes are treated, that is the reason he partakes in addict-like behavior. poor, poor Johnny. do not blame the person, blame the system that picked him up, chewed him up and spat him out. the NFL and the NCAAA made him an addict. the reality of the situation, Johnny Football, may or may not be an addict, and it certainly was NOT professional or even collegiate sports, regardless of their treatment of him, that MADE him an addict. that is just a shot across the bow, to make their liberal, anit-sports readers have more cannon fodder for those office discussions of whether or not we, as sports fans, should even have professional football. i do not know what Mr Football thinks, nor do i care, but if he wants it, he certainly has an ally in the blame game about how terrible his life is turning out, i have been there, done that, and i am not even close to being a professional athlete.
part of getting clean and learning to implement an active program of recovery in my life, is to stop the blame game, stop the entitlement game and stop the pity poor me game. that three prong attack on reality, allowed me to use for years on end, and only when i started to look at who was really at the core of his problems, did i start to get any better. it is true, i did not have click-bait articles about every little thing i did, popping up all over the place, but in my own mind, i developed a similar style of reporting, each and every thing i did was the result of some drama or trauma that occurred in my life, up to that point. i was the victim, and never the perpetrator and living life as a victim becomes a bit tiring, especially as i withdrew and isolated, there were fewer and fewer people to blame and the institutions were yet to enter my life.
enough about the good old days that were the crescendo of my version of THE LIFE, the reality of the situation is the triathlon, blame, entitlement and self-pity, that is at the core of my denial system, can still plague me today. yes, i am a victim of addiction, which means i victimize myself with my own hand and seek justice against a world that created me. when i write it down it sounds so absurd, in both a humorous as well as existential manner, that i almost want to cry. the reality of my life today, is i am only a victim when i want to be, as i certainly have a way out, an active program of recovery. over the course of the weekend, i came upon the entitlement leg once again, as i waiting to get in to do a bit of service, i spoke another person that was also waiting, who was angry that she had to wait, as it was our RIGHT to serve where we were serving. i spoke of it as being a privilege and she was so certain that it was a RIGHT and that she was entitled to be angry at being made to wait. i saw that behavior in what might have been a member of the 85%, and said to myself, “man, if they can participate in that behavior,m why not me!” the answer to the survey is, because i am not part of that other 85%, the part of humanity that are not addicts, she will bluster and bluff and hell maybe have a bit of sumthin', sumthin' and get on her life. me on the other hand could use that slight as an excuse for rolling out the carpet of the return of THE LIFE and all its attendant consequences. today that is not a consequence i choose to invite into my life.
anyways, the world continues to spin, time passes, and i need to get ready to roll to work. i could do a whole lot of nothing, but that also has a consequence or three that i am not willing tom face today. life is not to shabby in recovery and today i get to help a friend celebrate 33 years of just for todays, in a row. i get to be a part of this life, and i get to choose a path that is leading me away from THE LIFE. day after day, it may not get better, but i certainly do.

∞ DT ∞