Blog entry for:

toward all or toward anyone was something i learned to fake in my active addiction and it was not until i was actually in recovery for a minute before i started to get the notion that IF i was compassionate to others, they might even be compassionate to me. i am sure that they were compassionate to me, even before i could detect it, but of course i was “different” and was sure that any compassion they may have felt in my direction was tempered by a huge dose of self-righteous judgement. it is a good thing i have yet to write my peer and once upon a time sponsee who is currently a ward of the state, because now i have a bit more perspective on how to be “brutally honest” without being brutal.
this morning as i sit here at work, thinking about the nearly pleasant commute that brought me here, i realize that i was not the driver that was weaving in and out to be the first on race day and even though i got stuck behind a big ass slow moving truck in the express lane, i still made it to work with plenty of time to write this and get my work done. i did get great news yesterday, i am going to GET TO climb Mount Kilimanjaro in January next year. i have had this notion since last fall, but really made absolutely no effort to make it come to fruition. three days ago, my hiking buddy asked me if i was still interested in that trek and i said of course! there are a few hoops left for me to jump through, specifically getting my passport renewed, so i can get a flight and a visa, but that is in process right now. am i excited? i am quivering with anticipation, but now it is all about getting the footwork done and letting go of the results.
right here and right now, it is time for me to come back to Earth and get my head wrapped around getting my last project tested in next environment. it is also time to consider my request to come into the office every other Tuesday, when i actually meet face-to-face with my boss. i do enjoy working from home and even though i am rarely “at home” when i work remotely, the trip into the office is a break from routine. this is one more thing i need to stop thinking about and allow myself the freedom to “feel” my way to the answer. anyhow, coffee beckons and it is time to get into heads down coding, as that is what they pay me to do. it is a good day to feel comfortable in my skin and have another day to do my best with what i have and keep my head out of the clouds at 19,000 ft above sea level. 😁

∞ DT ∞