β today, with the love and guidance of members in the fellowship, β
Posted: Mon, Jun 18, 2007 10:03:19 AM
i am giving back to the world around me rather than taking.
although this morning all i want to do is take, take take. i really do not understand why i feel this way, perhaps i need to add a sense of entitlement to my defect list. it just seems today i cannot get anything done. i am waiting for people to get back to me and am not doing so very patiently, don’t they know who the f*ck i am??
so here i sit cigar in hand whining to anyone who chooses to read this how much it sucks to be me today. what in the hell this has to do with giving back to the world around me as a means of repairing the damage i did as an active addict, i am clueless about. this rant seems to have come nowhere and i am not quite sure where it is going.
okay, enough venom, time for a bit of gratitude, yes i am clean today, yes i can visit jail and leave without any hassle, yes i have clients who pay me very well, yes i have a beautiful woman with whom i cannot spend enough time with, yes i have a sponsor and friends, and most of all no i do not have a desire to use today. so i guess it does not suck to be me, if i actually take off my blinders and see what is really happening.
so i guess i can give a bit back this morning. after all, the damage i did was extensive, and the debt i owe to the world can only be repaid by staying clean, continuing to recover and doing what i can to contribute to the solution rather than be part of the problem. all of this is part of the gift of HOPE that i can offer more to the world that i ever took, and for me right here, right now, that is more than enough.
although this morning all i want to do is take, take take. i really do not understand why i feel this way, perhaps i need to add a sense of entitlement to my defect list. it just seems today i cannot get anything done. i am waiting for people to get back to me and am not doing so very patiently, don’t they know who the f*ck i am??
so here i sit cigar in hand whining to anyone who chooses to read this how much it sucks to be me today. what in the hell this has to do with giving back to the world around me as a means of repairing the damage i did as an active addict, i am clueless about. this rant seems to have come nowhere and i am not quite sure where it is going.
okay, enough venom, time for a bit of gratitude, yes i am clean today, yes i can visit jail and leave without any hassle, yes i have clients who pay me very well, yes i have a beautiful woman with whom i cannot spend enough time with, yes i have a sponsor and friends, and most of all no i do not have a desire to use today. so i guess it does not suck to be me, if i actually take off my blinders and see what is really happening.
so i guess i can give a bit back this morning. after all, the damage i did was extensive, and the debt i owe to the world can only be repaid by staying clean, continuing to recover and doing what i can to contribute to the solution rather than be part of the problem. all of this is part of the gift of HOPE that i can offer more to the world that i ever took, and for me right here, right now, that is more than enough.
∞ DT ∞