Blog entry for:

precisely whom i had injured, either financially or emotionally.
so unlike my little hissy fit tirade about a reading that i thought misapplied the common language of our fellowship, at least when it came to indirect amends, this reading is exactly what i have learned about, since the very first set of amends i made, way back when. i could do my cheerleader thing and give a bit of history of my experience,m but the very short story is, i have made indirect amends, to huge groups of faceless people and to those in my life who i cannot find, or where i would cause injury to them. i am grateful that i have done so and i can continue to teach the men i sponsor, how to make these amends themselves.
moving on.
part of my amends to myself, my family, my friends and society in general, has been learning to become PART of something greater. that process includes, but is far from limited to, learning how to do this whole relationship gig. honestly, when i got here, i did not know how to do a relationship with myself, much less a POWER that fuels my recovery, my peers in recovery, my friends or my loved ones. i seemed to have skipped out of all those classes and got high instead. so after a bit of clean time, as i approached my very first NINTH STEP set of amends, i was scared and quite puzzled, on how i was going to ever make all those years of emotionally unavailability, better. over time, i am learning how to do that very thing, day by day. i am still not very good at it, and each time through the steps, i remove one or more barriers to becoming better at being a part of the world around me and the lives of those who love and or care for me. even if i do have low expectations for some of those in my life, that does not mean i have given up HOPE.
now i have come to a strange state, i have nothing more to say, so i guess i will shower off and ease on down the road to my place of gainful employment.
it is a good day to be a part of the world around me.

∞ DT ∞