Blog entry for:

when i decided that recovery was important, that is where i began to put my energy.
so exactly what does that foundation consist of today? well after some time clean, i have finally moved from a FEAR based program into a FAITH based program. although i am concerned about the possibility that i might choose to use, and i do have a healthy fear about that possibility, i no longer build my life based on that fear. instead i choose to build my life on the foundation of FAITH. today, i haver the FAITH that part of my HIGHER POWER’s will for me is to stay clean. with that as a given, i then can go on to have the FAITH that no matter what, i will be provided with what ever i need to stay clean today. that does not mean i can just lay back, sitting on my ass and expect recovery to drop from the sky like manna in the desert. no exactly what that means to me, is that if i am conscious to my feelings, and the world around me, i will be given the tools i need to stay clean today. in order for me to be conscious to what is going on around and inside of me, i have to maintain my program of recovery. yes that action has changed over the course of my recovery, as i blogged about briefly yesterday, those changes means that it may appear that i am complacent in my program, one or two meetings a week and rarely sharing in a meeting. however, i have found a new manner of living which requires that i do certain things on a daily basis. inventories, third step surrender, and most of all asking for the power to stay clean today. not that i doubt that if i did not ask for that power, it would not be granted to me. my HIGHER POWER, as i understand that concept, would not deny me the power to stay clean today, if i forgot to ask for it. no i ask every day because i need to remind myself that the gift of that power (to stay clean), is just that a gift. i need to stay grateful for that gift, and if i ever start to believe that somehow that power is inherent in me, the slide into active addiction will begin for this addict. and i do not want to use anything today. so off to take care of a few responsibilities, perhaps make it to a meeting and see what i can do to build my foundation of recovery today.

∞ DT ∞