Blog entry for:

when i decided that recovery was important, that is where i began to put my energy. as i continue to make that same decision everyday, that is where my energy continues to go. well so far anyway, that decision has been the same, namely today is another day that i wish to be in recovery and not in active addiction. i get that i only have a day to day reprieve, and i get that relapse is a choice, regardless of the myriad of excuses i can come up with, and most of all i get that i am now and always will be an addict. all of that is honest and all of that is what i base my daily decision upon. it would be wonderful to wake up one morning and discover that all of a sudden i am not an addict, however the days of living in the fantasy world are gone for me. as a result, where i apply my energy, is a matter of priority, and prioritizing that finite stack is always an interesting exercise in allocation of scarce resources.
so as i sit in front of this screen this morning, getting a groove on, so i can hammer away at the tasks i have on my desk, i am struck by a couple of new facts that have been creeping into my life. namely that change is inevitable and that recovery while the top of my list is only one place that needs my time, my energy and my attention, i also need to pay attention to those with whom i share my life.
so where is this going this morning? well as i look at the foundation metaphor, as incomplete as it was presented in the reading, i am sent to a quick inventory to look at mine. are there the cracks of reservations running through it? is the material upon which it is constructed durable and strong enough to support this life? or have i built my life upon a foundation of sand, that is just waiting for a small shake in the ground to bring everything down upon my ears?
honestly, i believe that my foundation is intact, with no cracks currently visible, and has had the sand replaced with concrete and iron bars. i believe that my relationship with the HIGHER POWER of my understanding, my diligence at step work, and my daily surrender allows that foundation to be secure, at least today.
with that though in mind, i do believe i will go make my tour of the neighborhood to see if i can get used to being home at one mile above sea level again, because taking care of my physical health is just as important as caring for my spiritual health, especially if i want to enjoy this wonderful life i have been given. it is off to the races and into the fray i go.

∞ DT ∞