Blog entry for:

the life that has been created, as a result of my ongoing commitment to recovery, is one thing i do not write about often enough. no i have not been possessed by some sort of malevolent or benevolent entity. today for some reason, i feel a bit “lighter.” it does not mean that my dark and cynical side is gone, there is plenty of time for that as this day progresses, but in this slice of time, i am okay with what is going on in my life, including the change in reservations for my flight to Greece. life will go on, such as it is and the fact that even am going to Greece, at all, is amazing and not something i thought i would be able to do, at least not for a very long time. as i merrily trip down thee path towards getting some steps, there are a few clouds on my horizon. it is interesting how thirty minutes of laying about has now turned into an hour or more, off my usual morning pace. so it goes.
moving forward into my day, i am trying to decide when i will call to schedule the colonoscopy my Dr wants me to have done. quite honestly, i am less than thrilled about even thinking about it, but as i do care about my health, a fVcking gift of recovery, and i did say i would take care of it, DAMN INTEGRITY, i will get it done today.my work lifer may be really weird and getting more weirder by the day, BUT i am okay with that as well. IF i do not land a new gig before our GREEK vacation arrives, i will be okay, as they will be paying me to tour the Aegean Sea. living life in the recovery lane, means i have to choose my battles carefully and worrying about what may happen in August is a battle i choose not to fight this morning.
do i understand and acknowledge where all of this is coming from? most of the time, i do not, in fact i forget what life was like for me, way back when. even after getting clean and becoming a member of the fellowship that has brought me this far. most of the time i “feel” as if i did this on my own, and the honest truth is, that i did do a whole lot of building this life on my own. i worked the steps. i went to the meetings. i stayed clean, no matter what. i learned to tolerate and accept. i allowed myself to grow. all of that and much, much more, is a result of my own actions. the HUGE CAVEAT here, is that without the foundation of active recovery i have come to accept, none of that would have been possible, no matter how hard i tried. it is the solid foundation of my recovery, that made that effort pay off and has brought me to this place this morning.
before i goof up and lose my “dismount” again, i can say that being seventy-five minutes behind schedule, is tripping me out. 😭 😭 😭 i think i will post this and get those miles in, before something else delays my journey, just for right now.

∞ DT ∞