Some memes

toward new members was something i certainly felt when i came to the rooms, even before i decided to stay clean for one reason or another. i, however did my best to deny that their intentions were anything good for me, after all, the fellowship looked like some sort of religious cult coming from my perspective and one i would never willingly be a part of, PERIOD! it is more than a bit ironic how things worked out, as here i sit a minute later writing about the goodwill i feel and express for those who are in that very same place i was, all those years ago. it is also true that i still have a reservation or three about those FNGs and how far i let them into my life, in their early days, but i am certainly ready to welcome them into this manner of living.
what popped fore me this morning was the notion it seems some of our newer members have about how they need to be “strong” to resist the temptation to use, especially those who are not currently free to choose this manner of living. they are all in, when we carry a meeting into their facility but seem to lose the desire to be a part of our fellowship when the door slams behind them. that is nether here nor there, the point i am trying to make is that they keep talking about being “strong” enough, even though i strength of character, determination or obstinacy were enough to keep me clean, i would have never be where i am today, as i would have had a whole different course of living. i know, without a doubt, that i am weak and feeble when it comes to using, and because i own that as fact, i do not place myself into situations where using and only using, is to be expected. i am powerless and remembering how long it took me to get that concept, it is no surprise that those of whom i speak, still think that they have it within themselves to stay clean.
sitting here in the middle week of three weeks of long days at work, i can see that there is more to living than plodding along a path that seems to have little to no rewards. i shared last night that i had three choices, each and every day and that description would be apt for two of them, using and mere abstinence. the third choice, which by the way i chose this morning, is to stay clean and dedicate myself to living a program of active recovery. today that means getting my ass up and out of this chair, putting on my work out togs and getting five or so miles under the soles of my sneakers, as part of active recovery is taking care of my physical self as well. it is a good day to be clean and even a better one to greet the world with the knowledge that if i am present and awake, i will get the opportunities to gather all i need to stay clean today and thrive.

∞ DT ∞