Blog entry for:

what does give me relief in recovery is action and prayer. i do believe there is something magical happening in recovery, but it is not some sort genie that pops out and grants wishes, just because i rub an old dusty oil lamp. no the magic of recovery only seems to happen when i am an active participant in the process. when i sit back and allow the process to go on its own merry way, without asking for guidance and getting wired into that greater than mundane connection, i seldom like the results. although i have yet to try the ’no prayer‘ experiment, i do mess around with other elements of the program that has served me so well. i was talking to one of the men who allow me to sponsor them the other evening, and his complaint was that even after some years of doing this gig, he felt as if he had not changed at all. when pressed, he admitted that he had stopped praying recently and did not like the results. for this addict, that is evidence enough that i, too, must be diligent in working my program, no matter what was happening in my life. left to my own devices i will spin back down i9nto the misery i felt when i first got clean.
BUT, the reading spoke of two actions i needed to take, in order to continue the change process. since i have the prayer part dialed in pretty well, it is the work part of recovery that apparently needs a bit of my attention. this is my most common and persistent shortcoming when it comes to fostering the change within. i am, and i freely admit it, a lazy slob at times. as much as i would love to say that i am diligent in doing the things that allow me to change, the honest truth is that i coast until the pain of doing becomes less than the pain of not doing. here is where the wishing part of my life comes in; i wish that i did not need to be motivated by pain! it would be nice for this addict to just accept that i NEED to do work on my recovery, and just do it. instead of whining, puking and blowing-up. and that could happen someday, perhaps even today.
anyhow, there is my experience, where is the HOPE? well for one thing, i have no desire to use today and i am willing to look at what i am doing or more importantly not doing, and see where my efforts need to be applied today. yes, i live in the real world, and i have to meet my responsibilities as part of living there, BUT the work i need to do on my recovery will allow me to meet those responsibilities in a more efficient manner and hardly takes that much time from my day. so off to the showers and into the real world, with this thought, have i done any work on my recovery today? and if not, what the F*CK am i waiting for? :)

∞ DT ∞