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were horses, beggars would ride. what i have got from my recovery journey is not the result of wishing for a better life. it is the result of staying clean, day after day, working some steps and hanging with my peers in recovery. does that mean that i do not live a life of fantasy, wishing for stuff and growth without doing the work? of course i live in that delusion, i love getting something for nothing. i am really not one of those guys who get sick very often and yet i got sick this weekend. i am miserable, a sweat bomb and every joint in my body hurts, and i am coughing up both of my lungs. the fact is, i HATE being sick and i am doing my best to get through my days, sick or not, as i want to. in a bit, i will be heading the rec center for some laps around their indoor track, and i will be heading over to a meeting in Boulder tonight, after i get my car wheel replaced. i am “wishing” i felt better, but i know that nothing but time, will get this malady to pass. i am neither patient, nor tolerant when it comes to being sick, so i get to “suffer” through this and move on.
speaking of hard work and the rewards that come with them, as i sat and allowed the sweat to dry, i thought of one of my peers, and how hard they seem to hang on to what they once “had.” somehow, their relapse, after a bit of time clean, was simply a reset of their clean time counter and did not have anything to do with “wishing” their way through recovery. i cannot speak to their motives for not wanting to look at their lives through the lens of reality. not having had a relapse, casting motives on their behavior, is far from the most spiritual thing to do. yeah, i know i have been there and done that, but this morning i can drop that load by the wayside.
the time has come to go get a work-out in, regardless of the shade my significant other is casting on me, about being out and about while i am sick. i am one of those who does not sit still very well and with the ice and snow still covering most of the sidewalks i generally walk on, i can rationalize and justify my way to being out and about. i will not lose any more inches of fat, by wishing it away.

∞ DT ∞