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today is a good day for action and prayer. IT CERTAINLY IS A GOOD DAY TO BE CLEAN, AS WELL!
heading down the road this morning i have all sorts of notions in my head. yes, i know that i will not grow, bu ass-mosis, just showing up will necessary for my recovery, is far from sufficient. which, rather quickly brings me to what i heard this morning, when the dawg finally let me relax and listen. this week has been a whirlwind of activity and now i am almost certain that my attempt at four wheeling in my KIA, was a direct result of that. sometimes i get too busy to listen. as i scanned the room last night, before and after my friend spoke, i could see who was actually getting what he was saying. way back when he first got clean, i more or less thought he would be around for a year tops, and then his life would get so much better, that he would be off to enjoy the new life the program had given him. it is a pattern i see gain and again, and as he kept coming back, it renewed my FAITH in the benefit of doing something for my recovery every single day. so his message last night, at least the one i heard, was IF i choose to recover and follow the simple suggestions, i could keep coming back clean as well. i e have been here a few days now and i am finally getting that the POWER that fuels my recovery, has much more for me, than i ever realized.
i could stop right there with the cheerleader lines, however there is a flip side to that as well. when i decide that my new life is too full to do what i have done, and i do from time to time, i drift away and seem to get well more than a little out of sorts. it is true, that there are times i shortchange myself, and i end-up taking it out on others. there are times when working with another addict, or going to a meeting or doing that one extra thing to stay clean today feels like an imposition. there are even times when i am going through all the motions and still get even sicker. recently that has been the case, yesterday, i woke up with the desire to get past all of that, for no reason at all, my outlook changed as i started moving through my busy day. i know that sometimes i am holding on by a thread, but lately that thread is just enough to keep me working an active program, even when i am just phoning it in. no wishes, no magic, just action and yes prayer. my life looks no less full over the next few days, BUT i know that i can get through this stint and will be better off for doing this gig to the best of my ability, whatever it happens to be today.
where does that leave me? well there is a POWER that keeps me clean, and i am not it. there are people who love me, and to whom i can give love. most importantly there is a practical solution to my day to day living problem and it is the simple program of recovery i ave been given, no magic, no miracle cures and most importantly no manna from heaven, just one day at a time. so time to sign off and see what is happening in the rest of the world.

∞ DT ∞