ยฌ i have learned that my priorities can be 180 degrees reversed ยฌ
Posted: Sat, Apr 17, 2010 07:34:02 AM
it was the everything else that has to fit into my meeting schedule. alright, before i start to spin the fact that i do not attend more than two meetings a week on most weeks, i can and will say this; "attending meetings did save my life, and still provide for me the connection i NEED to stay clean."
so if that is the case, why do i find two meetings a week sufficient, after all, what i do most evenings is hang in front of the TV with my honey and watch what passes for entertainment from the seemingly endless and equally mind-numbing choices offered by the local cable company? that my friend is a good question and one that is difficult to answer, the short and simple answer is because it is easier to settle in and beg then to get up and go to a meeting. yes, my behavior is a product of inertia in the evenings, and there is no outside force to motivate me to move from in front of the TV, so sad but so true.
where in the world is this going? honestly, there are two directions i can take from here, and although either could make me feel better, neither is where i really want to go. the first would be to start the excuse machine rolling, justifying about how i have found the exact number of meetings i need, adding that since i have so many days in a row, i ado NOT NEED anymore meetings, after all, i am clean and practicing a program of recovery.
the other path? to beat my chest and wail repentance over my intransigence and promise to GOD and everyone who will listen, to add at least one more meeting to my weekly schedule. the truth is that even if i write that here and now, and even if i was sincere about that right here and now, is that it more than likely will not happen, BUT i will feel better for saying that it may happen.
so by choosing neither path, i can say at least i am being honest. there are days when there are outside forces that move me from my chair in the living room -- calls from sponsees or newcomers who need or want a ride to a meeting. the feeling inside that i am all fVckered-up or just the desire to hear something other than the incessant blare of TV and the screams of the part of me i call addiction. when any or all of that happen, you will find me at a meeting, sharing or not sharing, but present nevertheless.
so although it is early to be up and at this for a Saturday, i have lots to get accomplished today, and a limited bit of time to do so. so off to the next task and into the dawn’s early light.
so if that is the case, why do i find two meetings a week sufficient, after all, what i do most evenings is hang in front of the TV with my honey and watch what passes for entertainment from the seemingly endless and equally mind-numbing choices offered by the local cable company? that my friend is a good question and one that is difficult to answer, the short and simple answer is because it is easier to settle in and beg then to get up and go to a meeting. yes, my behavior is a product of inertia in the evenings, and there is no outside force to motivate me to move from in front of the TV, so sad but so true.
where in the world is this going? honestly, there are two directions i can take from here, and although either could make me feel better, neither is where i really want to go. the first would be to start the excuse machine rolling, justifying about how i have found the exact number of meetings i need, adding that since i have so many days in a row, i ado NOT NEED anymore meetings, after all, i am clean and practicing a program of recovery.
the other path? to beat my chest and wail repentance over my intransigence and promise to GOD and everyone who will listen, to add at least one more meeting to my weekly schedule. the truth is that even if i write that here and now, and even if i was sincere about that right here and now, is that it more than likely will not happen, BUT i will feel better for saying that it may happen.
so by choosing neither path, i can say at least i am being honest. there are days when there are outside forces that move me from my chair in the living room -- calls from sponsees or newcomers who need or want a ride to a meeting. the feeling inside that i am all fVckered-up or just the desire to hear something other than the incessant blare of TV and the screams of the part of me i call addiction. when any or all of that happen, you will find me at a meeting, sharing or not sharing, but present nevertheless.
so although it is early to be up and at this for a Saturday, i have lots to get accomplished today, and a limited bit of time to do so. so off to the next task and into the dawn’s early light.
∞ DT ∞