ยฑ it IS the everything else that needs ยฑ
Posted: Tue, Apr 17, 2012 07:47:51 AM
to fit into my meeting schedule. honestly there are times when this particular part of living the program is a ROYAL pain in the a$$. when my mom asked me how long i would have to go to those meetings, i said as long as i am willing to do what it takes to STAY clean. well that was then and this is now, and some dyas going to a meeting feels more like a chore than the necessity it once was. after all, i have…;
that is of course the problem. it is no secret that after 90 days or so, there are very few new things to learn about the program. of course, after 90 days or so, one gets in a groove and at least i could start to predict who was going to share what, there ar th cheerleaders who spout nothing but the politically correct party line,. there are the perpetual relapsers who cry and whine about how hard it is to get clean as they head out the door for that smoke, in the middle of the meeting. there are the still suffering, who never work a step but wonder why their lives are still filled with the chaos of addcition. there are the arm chair counselors, who spout off advice to all within earshot. and of course, there are the addiction veterans, who insist on regaling the room with their war stories about what and how much they did. and yet cynicism aside, i am still going to at least 3 meetings a week.
what it is it taht keeps me coming back, despite the litany of evils i just went through? well for one, the longer i STAY the more i realize that i have to learn about recovering in the here and now. when i allow myself to get past all of the bullsh!t and actually listen, i find that i actually hear at LEAST one thing, idea or interpretation that i NEEDED to hear today. when i share about what is going on inside of me, despite outside appearences, i can give a modicum of HOPE to one of those members who fall into the categories above. more importantly i set an example, to those who follow me, that depite my clean time, i still suit up, show up and spend an hour or so, with those who give me what i NEED to stay clean. every time i go to a meeting i have the opportunity to practice: humility, patience, selflessness, and tolerence. i GET to be a part of, instead apart from. i GET to stay clean one more day and testify to the POWER that is keeping me clean. i GET to hang with people who are just like me an yo know what, when i let go and allow them to be who they are, i GET everything i ws supposed to get, by the time i hop in my car and drive home.
all things considered, the effort and time i put into regular meeting attendence, is more than worth what i get as a result and today, i am worth getting all the GIFTS recovery has to offer. so let's see if i can practice those principles at the meeting i attend tonight.
that is of course the problem. it is no secret that after 90 days or so, there are very few new things to learn about the program. of course, after 90 days or so, one gets in a groove and at least i could start to predict who was going to share what, there ar th cheerleaders who spout nothing but the politically correct party line,. there are the perpetual relapsers who cry and whine about how hard it is to get clean as they head out the door for that smoke, in the middle of the meeting. there are the still suffering, who never work a step but wonder why their lives are still filled with the chaos of addcition. there are the arm chair counselors, who spout off advice to all within earshot. and of course, there are the addiction veterans, who insist on regaling the room with their war stories about what and how much they did. and yet cynicism aside, i am still going to at least 3 meetings a week.
what it is it taht keeps me coming back, despite the litany of evils i just went through? well for one, the longer i STAY the more i realize that i have to learn about recovering in the here and now. when i allow myself to get past all of the bullsh!t and actually listen, i find that i actually hear at LEAST one thing, idea or interpretation that i NEEDED to hear today. when i share about what is going on inside of me, despite outside appearences, i can give a modicum of HOPE to one of those members who fall into the categories above. more importantly i set an example, to those who follow me, that depite my clean time, i still suit up, show up and spend an hour or so, with those who give me what i NEED to stay clean. every time i go to a meeting i have the opportunity to practice: humility, patience, selflessness, and tolerence. i GET to be a part of, instead apart from. i GET to stay clean one more day and testify to the POWER that is keeping me clean. i GET to hang with people who are just like me an yo know what, when i let go and allow them to be who they are, i GET everything i ws supposed to get, by the time i hop in my car and drive home.
all things considered, the effort and time i put into regular meeting attendence, is more than worth what i get as a result and today, i am worth getting all the GIFTS recovery has to offer. so let's see if i can practice those principles at the meeting i attend tonight.
∞ DT ∞