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i thought that maybe i was hopelessly bad, or perhaps just plain crazy. given that, it was a great relief to learn we suffered from addiction and that malady was the source of my problems. as i stuck around and worked a few steps, i uncovered an even more shocking thought, that malady was me. no i am not some sort of virus running around infecting all that i see, although there were times in active addiction where i felt that way and it certainly looked that way. no i have come to see, that addiction is an intrinsic part of me, just like the diabetic is a diabetic, so i am an addict. i will stop that particular comparison right there, as it is a tired old metaphor, that i have heard over and over again since hitting the rooms of recovery.
where was i? oh yeah, speaking about how addiction is a part of me and not some sort of alien invader that crept into me as i slept one night, turning me into a pod person. these days i have no problem accepting that as fact, and when i do so, the relief for that condition is also at hand -- namely a program of active recovery. today it is a choice i have, to be a victim of my addiction or to take an active part in the treatment of that part of me. quite honestly, there are days when the easier simpler way feels like being a victim, throwing my hands in the air in surrender and just do the next thing that any addict wants to do, use! it is a good thing, that day is not today, as i have a sponsee to see, way down south and work to do when i return. so i may have more to write later today, for now it is time to jump in the shower and head out, i am grateful that i have this chance and will do what i can to be a part of the solution today, instead of contributing to the problem.

∞ DT ∞