Blog entry for:

as i look forward to my newish way of looking at myself and my life, i have stumbled upon a moral dilemma. it is not anything to do with addiction, but rather how i can allow some of those in my life to be who they are, without judging the choices they make on how to live their lives. as i climbed to 13,330 feet above sea level today, i attempted to put myself in their shoes and see what it might mean for me. i had no success as my current experience does not come close to matching theirs and what i want for myself, does not seem to fit, either. where once i was content to idle away my life in front of a computer screen or the TV, i have come to a pl;ace where i want to be a part of something and live a fuller life. part of that determination started four years ago, when i could not summit Mount Bierstadt. since that humiliating experience, i have done what i NEEDED to be done, to become fit enough to climb lots of mountains and get better each time i do. i still have work to do, but just for today, i am content with m,y progress.
which brings me back to my moral dilemma, how do i tell someone, i cannot abide the choices they are making in their life? the fact is, i have tried many different approaches and none have brought me any satisfaction. what i heard this morning and while slowly ascending James Peak, today, was that IF i wan t serenity, than i need to accept those in my life, just as they are. i do not need to pretend that i like those choices, but i also do not need to take on their stuff either. i can stay in my own lane, believe what i need to believe and allow myself to be the person i always wanted to be. more importantly allow them to be who they want to be, without editorial content. to find that balance in my life, all i have to do is let go once more and allow stuff to happen as it will.
today i know i am not hopelessly broken and that the treatment for addiction, is right at my fingertips, literally and figuratively. as i come to the end of this little ditty, i am grateful for the choice i have been given for the minute i have been clean and in recovery. i CHOOSE to live my life a bit differently today, and i can revel in the ability to do so, just for today.

∞ DT ∞