โซ not hopelessly bad โซ
Posted: Sat, Sep 5, 2015 01:24:40 PM
alrighty then, finally home after my home group meeting and wondering how i made it this far through my day without writing this little ditty. what i heard this morning, is still what i am feeling right now, that addiction explains a lot of what i did and still do, in fact it has been killing not to have at least twelve mock drafts done for my main event tomorrow at 11 AM. yes, i still can obsess and still have more on my plate than i can get done in a day, but today, at least i recognize hat is going on most of the time. what i am going to do, is grab a cigar, go get some lunch, take my laptop to somewhere a bit less public and do two things at once: mock draft and fix a printer issue.
anyhow, that being said, i can chill a bit and work over this issue. as some of you may know, i no longer feel the need to separate addiction from the whole, it has just become part of who i am. that does not mean i am my addiction, nor do i necessarily buy into the whole disease concept. those ideas were paramount in the early days for me, as i was still far from becoming a whole and genuine person. i had to wear labels, and “addict” was one of those i wore grudgingly. today i need not be defined by a part of me, the amount of money i have in my bank account, my job, the number of relationships i have or anything else that makes me who i am. i am okay just being Don and the label i proudly wear is that of just another man trying to figure out where he fits in what has come to be post-modern society. yeah, does not fit well on a placard, and that too is okay as well. today, i can fail to have expectations of what i am supposed to do, and where i am supposed to be. yes i am getting good at failing to have expectations and accepting what comes. sure i make plans and have a commitment or two the meet today, but making plans and having expectation need not be the same thing anymore. when i fail to develop expectations of myself, i also seem to do pretty good at not having expectations of others, and when that happens i seem to be a whole lot more peaceful and serene, perhaps this is the start of what i need to do for my remaining bit of work on my ELEVENTH STEP. it is a great day to be clean and a better one to get some stuff done.which is the next task on my agenda today.
anyhow, that being said, i can chill a bit and work over this issue. as some of you may know, i no longer feel the need to separate addiction from the whole, it has just become part of who i am. that does not mean i am my addiction, nor do i necessarily buy into the whole disease concept. those ideas were paramount in the early days for me, as i was still far from becoming a whole and genuine person. i had to wear labels, and “addict” was one of those i wore grudgingly. today i need not be defined by a part of me, the amount of money i have in my bank account, my job, the number of relationships i have or anything else that makes me who i am. i am okay just being Don and the label i proudly wear is that of just another man trying to figure out where he fits in what has come to be post-modern society. yeah, does not fit well on a placard, and that too is okay as well. today, i can fail to have expectations of what i am supposed to do, and where i am supposed to be. yes i am getting good at failing to have expectations and accepting what comes. sure i make plans and have a commitment or two the meet today, but making plans and having expectation need not be the same thing anymore. when i fail to develop expectations of myself, i also seem to do pretty good at not having expectations of others, and when that happens i seem to be a whole lot more peaceful and serene, perhaps this is the start of what i need to do for my remaining bit of work on my ELEVENTH STEP. it is a great day to be clean and a better one to get some stuff done.which is the next task on my agenda today.
∞ DT ∞