« i am forming a habit of looking at myself, »
Posted: Tue, Jan 18, 2011 09:24:24 AM
my actions, my attitudes, and my relationships on a regular basis. as disturbing as it may be to me, i am still struck about how my emotional and spiritual health is tied to my physical health. okay i know that line seems out of place for a entry about the 10TH STEP, be that as it may, it is part of what i felt this morning and what i am feeling right now.
i have had a cold over the past few days, and i am not used to being sick. i am used to just shrugging off viruses left and right and going on about my business, such as it is. i know that good physical health is a gift, and apparently it is one i take for granted, as my feelings over the past few days clearly demonstrate. i am grateful that i work for myself, so when i NEED to take off an afternoon, because i can no longer work efficiently, i can do so, some of the time. it is also nice, because when i am as miserable as i have been the past few days, making others share my misery is still an option, although one i have not exercised in this bout of feeling less than stellar. in fact, i have made a conscious decision to get out of the way, and let the POWER that fuels my recovery run my life over the past few days. it has meant that i GOT to read my book, play my silly little game, get the work done that NEEDED to absolutely get done and be at peace that this too shall pass. it does not mean that i am up for beatification as some sort of saint, as i have done more than my share of whining and complaining, and in more than one instance was unavailable for those around me. so it goes…
what that brings me to, is this not so subtle reminder of what the TENTH STEP means for me and people like me. since i am of the always working steps school of recovery, it is easy to let this sort of exercise fall by the wayside, after all, soon enough i will formally be working STEP TEN, again. i am also a creature of habit and as such, rituals seem to be part of my daily existence. when i do something every day, for even short periods of time, they seem to become part of me. running, meditating, daily inventories, and doing routine tasks the same time and in the same manner day after day, just seems to be how i live. i guess, i border on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, which may or may not be part of what addiction brings to the table. it really does not matter, what matters is that this is one character trait that i can leverage to my advantage. i can turn healthy actions into daily behaviors in a short period of time, as well as unhealthy ones. the routine of taking a daily inventory as i end my day, is one of those healthy ones, that i do with such a religious fervor, that i am a zealot about it, as the men i sponsor find out when the time comes for them to work the TENTH STEP. this is one of those actions where i have no problem saying do as i do, because what i say, i do!
the nice part of this reading this morning, is that it reminds me that i do not have to take these long and complicated inventories, nor do i have to run through a list of questions by rote. it speaks to me of simplifying a healthy behavior instead of making it complicated. yes those long lists of questions have their place, and i am certain that when the time comes to formally work STEP 10 again, i will use that tool again. for mow, it is as it is, something i CAN CHOOSE to do and something i can feel good about doing. just like running, walking, eating right, choosing to practice a program of active recovery, it is a CHOICE i can make, even when i am habituated to it. it is a habit, i am glad i formed, and one that i have no problem reinforcing today.
anyhow, i am glad my body is fast ridding itself of my cold symptoms. i am glad i have the determination to start back on my physical exercise regimen. and most of all i am glad i have not let my spiritual workout lapse when it appears to be the easier, softer way. it is time however to sign-off for today and see what i can get done, in this twenty-four. it is after all, a good day to…
i have had a cold over the past few days, and i am not used to being sick. i am used to just shrugging off viruses left and right and going on about my business, such as it is. i know that good physical health is a gift, and apparently it is one i take for granted, as my feelings over the past few days clearly demonstrate. i am grateful that i work for myself, so when i NEED to take off an afternoon, because i can no longer work efficiently, i can do so, some of the time. it is also nice, because when i am as miserable as i have been the past few days, making others share my misery is still an option, although one i have not exercised in this bout of feeling less than stellar. in fact, i have made a conscious decision to get out of the way, and let the POWER that fuels my recovery run my life over the past few days. it has meant that i GOT to read my book, play my silly little game, get the work done that NEEDED to absolutely get done and be at peace that this too shall pass. it does not mean that i am up for beatification as some sort of saint, as i have done more than my share of whining and complaining, and in more than one instance was unavailable for those around me. so it goes…
what that brings me to, is this not so subtle reminder of what the TENTH STEP means for me and people like me. since i am of the always working steps school of recovery, it is easy to let this sort of exercise fall by the wayside, after all, soon enough i will formally be working STEP TEN, again. i am also a creature of habit and as such, rituals seem to be part of my daily existence. when i do something every day, for even short periods of time, they seem to become part of me. running, meditating, daily inventories, and doing routine tasks the same time and in the same manner day after day, just seems to be how i live. i guess, i border on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, which may or may not be part of what addiction brings to the table. it really does not matter, what matters is that this is one character trait that i can leverage to my advantage. i can turn healthy actions into daily behaviors in a short period of time, as well as unhealthy ones. the routine of taking a daily inventory as i end my day, is one of those healthy ones, that i do with such a religious fervor, that i am a zealot about it, as the men i sponsor find out when the time comes for them to work the TENTH STEP. this is one of those actions where i have no problem saying do as i do, because what i say, i do!
the nice part of this reading this morning, is that it reminds me that i do not have to take these long and complicated inventories, nor do i have to run through a list of questions by rote. it speaks to me of simplifying a healthy behavior instead of making it complicated. yes those long lists of questions have their place, and i am certain that when the time comes to formally work STEP 10 again, i will use that tool again. for mow, it is as it is, something i CAN CHOOSE to do and something i can feel good about doing. just like running, walking, eating right, choosing to practice a program of active recovery, it is a CHOICE i can make, even when i am habituated to it. it is a habit, i am glad i formed, and one that i have no problem reinforcing today.
anyhow, i am glad my body is fast ridding itself of my cold symptoms. i am glad i have the determination to start back on my physical exercise regimen. and most of all i am glad i have not let my spiritual workout lapse when it appears to be the easier, softer way. it is time however to sign-off for today and see what i can get done, in this twenty-four. it is after all, a good day to…
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