Blog entry for:

a day off in January? yes, one of the perks of being clean, working a program that might be called methodical by some, but OCD by me, and paying my dues, has given my first PAID MLK holiday. part of that methodical madness has been this notion of a daily inventory. that inventory, when i do it thoroughly, allows me to fall asleep and stay asleep, as well as wake up the next morning with the opportunity to move into a moment of FAITH, rather than worry. i often wonder if like some of my peers, i had not been so methodical in integrating my recovery program into me life, where i would be now. that exercise, as fruitless as it is, crops up every now and again and this morning, here it is again.
i have heard cit said, that it is part of a divine plan, that got me to this place in my life. it would seem to invalidate any choice i may have had, and whether or not i turned left instead of right, would have made no difference, i would have gotten right here at this very moment in time. i find that notion, more than a bit disturbing, although i am certain it gives comfort to those who ascribe to that idea. for me, it feels creepy and i cannot go down the path that i had absolutely no power or control about where i am today. as i grow spiritually, i GET to grow beyond those notions and become something i have never been, whole, genuine and self-aware.
sorry for the diver there, but where that was going, was once upon a time, a long long time ago, i made the choice to continue doing, as in actually writing, a TENTH STEP daily for a very extended period of time, nearly five years. no i do not want or need a medal or accolades for that feat, because i have already got a consequence that is to my liking, i have a habit of doing daily inventory, ingrained and integrated as part of my “methodical” program of active recovery. for me, reading such as today's reinforces that behavior and makes me pause to see if i need to make any alterations to what i do, not whether or not i need to do it. for me, it is about content and content is after all KING!
moving into the rest of this lazy day, i am packing up my laptop and heading to the local tobacco store for a bit of effort to upgrade my skills and website, maybe some gaming and certainly a nice cigar. what else will this day bring? well one never knows, but when one GETS to live in the eye of the storm, each and every day brings new and interesting things into one's view, as the chaos swirls around.

∞ DT ∞