Blog entry for:

i am amazed at the simplicity of the answer, which in most cases is stop, slow down and allow the world to catch-up with me.
when ever i read this entry, i get this image of me sitting in front of a ginormous pile of sand and using tweezers to place one grain of that pile on my scales at a time. the scales themselves are not the customary two pan jobs, but actually four or five pans, so i am working with a pile of stuff i would like to add to my life in a four or five dimension equation, seeking to get all of it on that scale, and have everything in perfect balance.with that sort of imaginative visualization skills, is it any wonder that at times my life FEELS fVcking out of control?
honestly, i am certainly looking forward to my upcoming vacation, with a day off around the trip to decompress, relax and catch up with my life. what does taking a vacation have to do with balance in my life? well for starters right now it feels like all i can do is work, attend a few meetings and hang with my honey. that certainly is a full life, but the part of me i call addiction keeps on saying that is not enough. it keeps whispering about how i do not go to enough meetings, or social events featuring the fellowship, or have enough service positions or do not meddle in the life of my sponsees or take on a newcomer as a recovery project and on and on and on. as you can see, it ten seconds that pile of sand is already approaching the limits of being manageable. how do i handle that part of me that wants it all, thinks that it can handle it all and beats me up when i cannot fulfill all of that?
THE STEPS, you silly goose! THE STEPS!
formal step work, yes another grain in that pile, is one thing, but for balance is found through the application of STEPS 10 through 12. STEP 10 allows me the freedom, most of the time, to take a calm, and rational look at my day, my desires and the constraints i have in terms of resources, and judge whether or not, i did my best to balance all of that. DESIRE is the root of my problem, as i frequently DESIRE far more than i can actually achieve or even handle. my Buddhist friends have that part done pat. so when it comes to looking at all of that, the criterion i use is: did i use my time, energy and other resources to further my journey to becoming the man i have always wanted to be, and if not why not.
STEP 11, is my guide to formulating my planned use of resources for the day and allowing myself to feel if those plans one, fit in that journey of becoming and two are appropriate for today.
STEP 12, carry that knowledge forward and be open-minded and flexible enough to allow the sands to shift as they will.
the pile may not shrink by any appreciable amount, but when i live int he STEPS, i feel like i can do anything and am not overwhelmed by my desire to do everything for everyone all the time.
so it is time to head on down to work, after all, i have yet to find anyone that will give me money for doing absolutely nothing. it is a good day to have a vision of who i want to become and the ability to move forward to realize that dream.

∞ DT ∞