Blog entry for:

of the answer. yes, balancing the demands of my life and recovery program can be a daunting task., that threatens to overwhelm me, in its seeming complexity.i remember the first time i read this particular entry in the annual Just For Today cycle and was impressed with an concept i had yet to grasp, as i had no personal life to speak of, i was all about recovery and nothing but recovery. when i finally got “well” to actually start adding back personal obligations, i certainly went overboard. full-time school, a brand new romance, family events and the list goes on and on. when i cam to this reading at that time, i chortled with delight, as i realized that i had piled upon myself, more responsibilities and DESIRES than i could possibly accomplish on any given day. life for me was quite complicated and it was the life stuff that i wanted to drop off, not the recovery stuff, because i was quite certain all of the service i did was NEEDED by the fellowship and if i did not do it, no one would.
my problem. as i have seen from this step journey was all about how i wanted others to see me and not at all about what needed to be done. i did “have all the answers, and by GOD i was going to let you know.Ᾱ today, the service i do is not all about my ego, although i have to admit, that is still a component. it is more about doing what i can to further my recovery. as a result, my life came into balance all on its own. simply letting go of what i thought NEEDED to be done and allowing myself to let others pick up the slack, has created a situation in my life where service to my fellowship and service to my loved ones, has reached a tenuous balance. of course, if the men i sponsor decide they all want my time, i will certainly be in trouble of tipping those scales again. i work under the notion of FAITH these days, that no matter what, i will have the resources i need to do what i NEED to do, on a daily basis.
this week already feels out of balance with work tipping the scales towards unmanageability. i could whine and moan about how long this week has already been and how freaking tired i am, but to what end? honestly, work pays my bills, provides me a standard of living that i enjoy and yes DESIRE, and every now and again gets way out of hand. when i think of this reading, i know that during times like these a thing or two has to slide off my scales and what gets dropped off, is time for me to decompress and do absolutely nothing for anyone but myself. yes balancing my scales these days, means i take off the service i do for myself, except for my recovery program. the reward for dropping my time off, is that i get grumpy, irritable and discontent. the solution is to drop a few “me” grains on the scales to see if i can once again achieve that balance.
i know this shall pass, all i have to do is keep moving forward and i will be back into a balanced state once again. today as a matter of fact, i will be enjoying a premium cigar with a friend or two before going to the meeting. because i have put in the time, i GET to have a bit of FREEDOM this afternoon and the scales start to re-balance in my favor, once again. it is a good day to be an active participant in my recovery and i think it is time to get out of my jams and be present for work.

∞ DT ∞