Blog entry for:

with the merest breath of life on its own terms, i crumbled at last, broken, defeated, with no choice but to surrender. surrender and defeat, not two concepts that were easy for me to accept, back in the day. not that resisting recovery was doing anything spectacular to make my life any better, it was just that i was headed into terra incognito. my path in recovery, is still shrouded in mist, at least the road ahead. oh sure, if i pay attention, i get clues as to where there b dragons, landmines and perilously narrow passages, from those who have gone before me. clues, however, were never enough for me, sometimes i need to be smacked directly in the face by the obvious. so learning to let go, especially in the face of how my predecessors hold on to stuff, was not an easy task, although as my journey continues it is becoming easier, in small quantum leaps, but easier nevertheless.
as i sit here this morning, considering what i am going to say to the OTHER insurance company, i can feel the anger rising within, through no fault of my own, i will now be without the dependable and reliable car that has been part of my life for the past 12 years. yes i understand that all they will offer is what the car is worth, but monetarily that looks good on paper, emotionally that sucks big time, and i am beginning to wonder if some sort of legal representation may be the path to go down. i am not quite sure how to resolve the feeling that something of value has been stripped from my life, through a single act of blatant negligence and maybe, just maybe, making the call, seeing what they may offer and letting go, is what i need to do.
i have come to terms, that no matter what my insurance company offers, my car will be headed for the scrap heap. they have always been good to me, and quick peek through Kelly's blue book, will better prepare me for what to expect which is right around $1500, WAH, WAH, WAH.
anyhow, life's winds blew, i survived and now i can move forward into my day, better prepared for what will be coming down the pike. it is a good day to be flexible and a better day to let go, make my noise and see what happens.
oh the behaviors of those who have walked before me? being in control, acting as-if they have all the answers and generally bullying everyone in their lives, to seeing things their way, drives away the people that love them the most and in the end, they get sycophants and servants, perhaps it was what they always wanted anyhow. me, i want friends, peers and partners, so i will do my best to allow the POWER that fuels my recovery, to morph me into the sort of person who builds those kinds of relationships.

∞ DT ∞