Blog entry for:

i am once again a bit blue, after working with a chronic relapser who has chosen me to be his sponsor, i feel sad that i have to be the one to help him break through his walls of denial and see what real powerlessness and desparation is. the disease we share is so powerful and insidious that the walls of denial come crashing down hard sometimes and i always fear that the process will destroy us. i forget that i survived the destruction of the protective walls of denail and that many others too have learned to accept life for what it is today.
i am also in the process of making a decion of whether or not to become a live liver donor. one of my brothers in recovery will die in less than a year unless he fiinds a volunteer to give up part of their liver. unfortunately, my feelings aside this decsion needs to be discussed and arrived at after consultation with those i share my life with namely my family, my signicant other, my sponsees and my sponsor. if i was the totally self-centerd SOB that i was when i walked in here, i would not even be thinking about giving up part of me to save another human being. if i the do anything to look good and selfless person i was up until recently i would do this without asking anyone else's input. today however i cannot and will not make the decion to even call and start the process without input from those who love and care for me.
so much is going on this afternoon, but i am clean, happy and grateful to have to face dilemmas of this nature head on
-- DT --