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is exactly the way i once felt about the manner of living that has come about by staying in recovery for a minute or two. even though i am clean and an active part in my fellowship, i can still fall into that same trap. nothing but mess, no message and certainly no solution. the very fact that i am here right now, mean something must have twisted just enough to allow m,e to accept and be a part of my own life. speaking of being clean:

Kevin (Sic Boy) K
Twenty-two (22) years clean!
Congrats, my friend!

now, dear friends into the breech! i can still find a whole lot to criticize about the structure of this new manner of living. the whole dependence on a HIGHER POWER is the start of the litany of “sins” that ends with the decoupling of what i am ⇛ an addict, from who i am. as long as i could honestly say shit such as “my addiction is out in the parking lot doing push-ups,” i was incapable of taking on any responsibility for my recovery. when that was piled onto the HIGHER POWER concept and the notion of being powerless over addiction, i set myself up for failure, as there was nothing i “needed” to be responsible for in my recovery and certainly not in my life, either.
it took me quite some time to allow myself to accept the notion that being an addict was more than an identity issue, it was who i am and any solution to how i behave, has to come from those who have come before me. i understand that decoupling addiction from self, lowers the bar for admission into a life style that includes honesty and integrity. i also understand that self-reliance is the cause of many of the issues i still deal with today. today, however, this addict knows that IF i want to continue my journey into becoming the person i never knew i wanted to be, i have to allow myself the FREEDOM to ask for and receive the grace of the POWER that fuels my recovery. i have to take responsibility for my spiritual, physical, emotional and intellectual fitness. it is after all, my life and i CHOOSE, just for today to live it to its fullest.

∞ DT ∞