Blog entry for:

not give me immunity from the struggles life presents. it would certainly be nice, if it did. i, however, live in the real world, and even though i am clean and living a daily program of active recovery, i understand that life on its own terms can be frustrating or downright unpleasant. i also know that when the shit hits the fan, i have many folks who have my back, and although they cannot take away the disasters, they certainly can help me off the ledge and into a place where i can accept that staying clan, no matter what comes down the pike, is the best policy.
not too sure what is going on with me over the past twelve hours, as my sleep was hardly restful and the void was hard to dip into, this morning. i almost made it a couple of times, but those moments were fleeting. as i sit here in the office, after one of the smoothest commutes i have had in recent times, i guess i can see that there may be a few things grinding at my soul. i am not all that content with my progress towards restoring my physical fitness and dropping some pounds, even though i am doing all that i can. of course, the part of me that i call addiction, is screaming that it is useless and i need not even attempt to continue. life would be easier if i was lazy. 😭 😭 😭 to counter that argument, all i have to do is remember that getting and staying clean was not easy and i never gave up, even when i wanted to do so. my peers and my friends had my back and let me know that IF i wanted what they have, i had to keep doing what they did. i did not arrive at a daily program of active recovery in a minute, so why would i expect to return to my physical fitness state, after a major injury, in a minute either. patience, which is something i have to practice on a daily basis, is the watchword here. i need to look at my progress rather than the goal.
on that note, i think i will wrap this exercise up and get to testing my latest hit, as i think i have solved the issues i struggled with yesterday. my life will continue, i have a job that will renew in the new year. i have the ability to make physical progress and if i remember that criticism from those with more skill than i have, is to make me better, rather than being defensive, i will be able to progress to whatver comes next, just for today.

∞ DT ∞