Blog entry for:

find much to criticize in the recovery fellowship that is my home, even after a day or three clean. what i never expected to find, however, was a group of people who **GOT** me and continue to **GET** me to this day. what i did not realize is the fact that they **GET** me was the first clue that more was going on here, than i heard. i am not the most “present” on the block, although i am far better at being so today, than ever before, nevertheless, it took quite a bit of time for me to identify that the members that welcomes me into the rooms and told me to keep coming back, were actually demonstrating empathy, because they knew who i was and what it was that i was going through, trying to find my way through a confusing time and set of circumstances. which brings me to a necessary but rather rough segue:

Sic,
Congrats on Nineteen (19) years clean.
Certainly hope you keep on coming, NO MATTER WHAT!

getting back in the swing of things here, because of how i got to recovery and the feelings that i felt when i was seemingly forced against my will to be here, i am well-equipped to carry the message into the places i carry it today. i was certainly no Scarface, or criminal kingpin, in fact, most of my crimes were petty and were used to finance the finding and getting part of active addiction. the sad fact of life is addicts like me, seldom get and stay clean, as i felt it was my “right” to use., and the crimes i committed were covered by insurance, so not a single soul was harmed. it is amazing how well i could rationalize and justify away my transgressions and live in my cocoon of entitlement and self-righteousness. when i look back today, i can either cringe about how oblivious and choose to chuckle about it, after all, when one cats a critical eye on that sort of behavior, it is quite obvious that it is totally absurd. i do have more than a little bit of gratitude that i can see past who i was and be who i am today. i am also grateful that more and more, my actions match my words. as i learn to be present for all things in my life, including what is being shared in a meeting and do not try and hide the fact that i am more interested about what is on my phone, i am also letting my peers know that i too, am “GETTING” them, as well. it is a good day to be clean and perhaps carry a bot of empathy into all my affairs today.

∞ DT ∞