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and the ties that bind, may not be on the top of my mind on any given day, in fact when my morning source material turns towards groups, meeting and the fellowship in general, i tend to shut down, as i often think that it is not applicable to me and my personal journey through recovery. this reading this morning, was no exception to that rule, although i did not totally shut-down, i still thought i had a less than stellar STEP 11. admitting that even though i can sit for twenty minutes is one thing, admitting that on morning like this one, i hardly “shut down” the internal diatribe is yet another. that figurative hamster wheel in my head would not turning, no matter how much power i exerted and i got to the point where i forgot that in these instances, surrendering to the “what is,” is a far better course of action rather than attempting to create the “what cannot be.”
before i get to much further down any rabbit hole, a very happy Mother's Day to all who celebrate one of the “greeting card industry” commercialized holidays. i myself have taken car of wishing the mothers in my life a very happy day and gifted those i am the closest to with some flowers. i have to admit that before i did my research i thought that Hallmark created Mother's Day, now i am better informed and can be okay celebrating a day that has an actual history.
okay i have diddled around enough, what did i hear in my brief dips into the nothingness of my being, this morning? well, for one, i heard that allowing myself to open my mind to new ideas and allowing those ideas to be expressed in how my home group builds and atmosphere of recovery and carries the message to the addict who still suffers, is not something i need to resist. i have to admit that i do not have all the answers, nor do i have a line on the ultimate solution. what i do have is the desire to add my opinion into the mix of a group conscience and see what shakes out after all is said and done. right here and right now, it is time to get out, get my ten kilometers under my sneakers and see what the rest of this unplanned day doth bring. it is a great day to be clean and to have a program to follow.

∞ DT ∞