๐ค i am ๐คฏ
Posted: Mon, May 12, 2025 09:56:00 AM
surrendering to recovery as the solution. in all my days clean, this is probably the first time i really got stopped by this statement. i know that this is at least the third time i read it. i am also, pretty certain that i have heard it more than once in the thousands of meetings i have attended. just as much of what has been said in the rooms, since i started coming around, has gone in one ear and out the other, it makes sense that this was some sort of throw-away line, up until this very moment in time. when i was struggling to get clean and stay clean, i did not understand what was being said, hence i dismissed it as irrelevant. once i got clean and was merely abstinent, i believed i was a “short-timer” anyways, so nothing actually applied to me. there is no rhyme or reason why on this day, i should all of a sudden “see the light.” as i am not all about the “whys” of stuff in recovery anymore, i will just go with the flow and see where it takes me.
surrendering is not something that i feel hard-wired to do, in fact, i am more than likely someone who fights to the very end. my favorite joke is that when i finally let something go, it has claw-marks and my fingernails embedded in it. i had to drag out a dictionary to find a definition of surrender i was willing to live with, as a matter of fact. today, with my seed in mind, i can see that even that applies => i will cease fighting recovery and accept it as my solution. i know that on a daily basis i lapse into behaviors driven by what i want and think i MUST HAVE. many spiritual traditions, my own included call that DESIRE. i know that as an addict, this addict anyhow, has warped DESIRE into something far greater than what it needs to be, hence the notion that one is too many and a thousand never enough. when i listen to the voice of recovery, i can temper my overpowering DESIRE and reign it in, with the help of my peers, my sponse, and the POWER that fuels my recovery. surrendering to recovery, allows me to see the better self that i never thought i could become and make progress to becoming that person. surrendering to recovery helps me to discern the difference between the lies i tell myself and reality. most important of all, for me anyhow, surrendering to recovery allows me to feel comfortable in my skin, just for today.
surrendering is not something that i feel hard-wired to do, in fact, i am more than likely someone who fights to the very end. my favorite joke is that when i finally let something go, it has claw-marks and my fingernails embedded in it. i had to drag out a dictionary to find a definition of surrender i was willing to live with, as a matter of fact. today, with my seed in mind, i can see that even that applies => i will cease fighting recovery and accept it as my solution. i know that on a daily basis i lapse into behaviors driven by what i want and think i MUST HAVE. many spiritual traditions, my own included call that DESIRE. i know that as an addict, this addict anyhow, has warped DESIRE into something far greater than what it needs to be, hence the notion that one is too many and a thousand never enough. when i listen to the voice of recovery, i can temper my overpowering DESIRE and reign it in, with the help of my peers, my sponse, and the POWER that fuels my recovery. surrendering to recovery, allows me to see the better self that i never thought i could become and make progress to becoming that person. surrendering to recovery helps me to discern the difference between the lies i tell myself and reality. most important of all, for me anyhow, surrendering to recovery allows me to feel comfortable in my skin, just for today.
∞ DT ∞