๐ฃ choosing responses ๐ฅ
Posted: Mon, Aug 11, 2025 10:41:47 AM
that preserve my dignity and that of those around me. it almost could go without saying that this never happened in my active addition. it may have happened more in my clean but merely abstinent phase. the truth is, however, that choosing which hill to die on, as the saying go, always came down to a win at any costs situation for me. i was always all in and as a result conflict was almost always part of my daily experience. i had come to believe that i thrived on chaos and confusion and chose to create as much of both, as possible. little did i realize way back then, that i was contributing to my spin down into desperation. as i continue my recovery journey, i see that many of those “choices” were actually auto-magical reactions to make myself feel “more than,”
i have more than a bit of gratitude this morning, that i have the ways and means to respond, when i choose to do so. the buttons that i installed to build myself up at the cost of someone else's dignity, no longer work as well as they once did. in fact, when i find myself in conflict, especially when it over more than something trivial, i have to pause and take a beat, to see if this is really an issue in need to pound into sand, or is it possible i can walk away or even better yet, find a middle ground. most of the time, i find that i do not require a “victory” to feel better about who i am and what i believe. i may not live a perfectly harmonious life, quite yet. in fact i may never achieve harmony in all aspects of my daily living, but as i stay clean and live a program of daily recovery, i get a incrementally closer to that ideal.
i have now entered what i affectionately call my “crazy season.” my clean date anniversary is less than a month away and in years past, it has often driven me to distraction as i go down the path of how far i have not come. i spend most of that period focusing on the what i am not and what i was, rather than opening my mind and my heart to the what i am. with that thought to carry me into what i need to do today, i think i will wrap this exercise up with a moment to be grateful that spending my free time watching TV, is not what i have the desire to do today.
i have more than a bit of gratitude this morning, that i have the ways and means to respond, when i choose to do so. the buttons that i installed to build myself up at the cost of someone else's dignity, no longer work as well as they once did. in fact, when i find myself in conflict, especially when it over more than something trivial, i have to pause and take a beat, to see if this is really an issue in need to pound into sand, or is it possible i can walk away or even better yet, find a middle ground. most of the time, i find that i do not require a “victory” to feel better about who i am and what i believe. i may not live a perfectly harmonious life, quite yet. in fact i may never achieve harmony in all aspects of my daily living, but as i stay clean and live a program of daily recovery, i get a incrementally closer to that ideal.
i have now entered what i affectionately call my “crazy season.” my clean date anniversary is less than a month away and in years past, it has often driven me to distraction as i go down the path of how far i have not come. i spend most of that period focusing on the what i am not and what i was, rather than opening my mind and my heart to the what i am. with that thought to carry me into what i need to do today, i think i will wrap this exercise up with a moment to be grateful that spending my free time watching TV, is not what i have the desire to do today.
∞ DT ∞