Blog entry for:

the more i will grow and the more comfortable i will become with my recovery. okay, fat fingers strike and this is my third attempt at writing this entry. here i go once again. yes, i cheated, i can plainly see that the reading is about how i react when someone chooses to point out one or more of my less than acceptable behaviors, especially those that i happen to be humbly asking to be removed. i read that, and thought about it in the quiet of my morning workout and meditation and my mind jumped off that track and went in an entirely different direction, specifically, how i greet or do not greet change and opportunities for growth.
so it is really not that far off, but when i thi9nk about it, i am the type that does his best to passively resist change. i ignore, rationalize and explain away any of those little opportunities that come on a daily basis. i pretend i did not hear what was said, or that the pained, confused look on the someone’s face has anything to with me. and although this appears to be passive resistance, it actually is a quite active conscious choice i make, when i choose to let the part of me i call my addict run wild. no i am not two people and no i do not have a split personality, i am not Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, in fact i have always hated that whole metaphor and i could quite easily get on a soapbox with that particular digression. so where was i anyhow?
oh yeah, so if i want to continue to recover, and i do, i have to greet these opportunities with and open-mind. argh, i hat the whole open-mindedness gig. life was much simpler when i was closed minded and knew everything about everything, especially about myself. the days of living in that particular illusion are long gone or have yet to arrive depending on which direction i am looking. today, i will do my best to accept what is happening, is part and parcel of what i need to be aware of, and if or even better, when those little opportunities crop up, it will be up to me, to see that i can do my best to accept them and allow them to influence the recovery process that is ongoing in my life, such as it is today! okay off to the gas station to do my part in draining away the world’s natural resources.

∞ DT ∞