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i am not entirely thrilled when someone points out my less than stellar behavior. i want to rationalize, defend, explain and dismiss this observations. i have learned over the course of my recovery that perhaps, it is better to accept what they are saying and deal with the internal stuff a bit later. what this led to, was bitter resentments against that person and very little change.
HOW DARE THEY SAY THAT TO ME! DON'T THEY KNOW WHO I AM?
well, actually they do, a frail human being suffering from the disease of addiction, who is learning a new way of life. although i have some control over my behaviors i do not have the ability to rationally and objectively evaluate my character defects nor do i have the power to have them removed. i have come to a place in my recovery that allows me very little wiggle room these days. by being present and surrounding myself with those in recovery i leave myself open to comments on my current behaviors, whether they are something i have been working on, or a new manifestation of an old behavior. since i profess to having worked a twelfth step. i am trying to do my best to LIVE by the spiritual principles i have been taught, so i need to open my mind to comments on my behavior. i need to allow myself the freedom to take those comments seriously and see what i need to do to change.
and you know, i have yet to die from surrendering yet another shortcoming to GOD!
∞ DT ∞