Blog entry for:

is almost always to rationalize, justify and defend, whatever i happen to be doing in the minute. **after all,** seems to be my favorite refrain right up there with **yes, but...** well that is a bit of hyperbole, while it is true that may be my **default** reaction, these days, i pause, consider and attempt to **hear** what i am being told.
moving on to the notion that growth and change are interrelated, i can certainly make a case for that to be more than true in my own recovery journey and provide a shit-ton of “for instances.” life in active recovery, during these “interesting” times has wrought all sorts of change and yes, even some growth in this addict's life. as much as i used to like going into the office, i could be quite content never driving those miles again. that hour of driving, clenching my jaw as i chomp on a big cigar and watching my pulse rate scream into the low 100's as i deal with the drivers on the road, is something i am finding less and less attractive by the day. that seventy minutes of frustration on a daily basis has been replaced with a walk/run workout and has resulted in physical changes i find quite pleasing.
this morning, as i move into an old pattern of working out after my home group meeting, i am okay with how this day started out. i did wake up early enough to fulfill my original plan, but rolled over and stayed in bed an extra hour. i still get everything done, that i want to get completed and more importantly i can be okay with having to “alter” my activities to fit this different order of things. it is a good day to be clean and even a better one to remember that growth and change are part of the recovery deal, even when i do not want them to be. my DESIRE to stay the same, is denial of the life i am living and cheats me out of the benefits this life is giving me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞