Blog entry for:

recovery is its own reward; public acclaim cannot make it any more valuable than it already is. for me, the whole idea of maintaining my anonymity is a slam-dunk, at first it was about shame, yes, i wads ashamed to have to admit that i was an addict, and every time i said that, even in the warm comforting rooms, i felt the shame of all the garbage i carried, the term addict. so if i was reticent about using the word addict in the fellowship, imagine what i was like when it came to dealing with the world outside of the fellowship, i was beyond secretive about this aspect of my life, and when i was with so-called normal people and ran into another member on the street, i would ignore them, so i did not have explain where and how i knew that member.
times certainly have changed for this addict! not only have i lost the shame of using that term about myself, i am also more than likely to let others know that i am in recovery and why i am part of the fellowship. i do not carry a card that states that nor do i have any fellowship logos prominently tattooed on my body. i do where articles of clothing that have logos on them, but when i do so, i understand that i am then held to a higher standard, for a myriad of reasons. i once had a sponsee ask me, how i thought i could be of service to the still suffering, if i guarded my anonymity so fiercely, after all, if i do not let them know, how can they ask for help? i said then, and still say to this day, that i provide an example that needs no reward, just being present and listening is enough for most of the still suffering i meet, to realize that i may have something they desire. i help by being there, quietly and unobtrusively, not by banging my chest and shouting to the whole world how great i am because i have chosen a new manner of living. even writing this little ditty an a mostly daily basis is a bit across the line for me, but here i figure, this little breath of air is lost in the gale of content that comprises the internet and my anonymity is protected while hiding in plain sight.
but anyhow, tomorrow is the BIG day, talking with my sponsor last night removed most of my ANXIETY and MISGIVINGS and is giving me the courage to move ahead. this morning i am a bit antsy, but a run will quickly remove that and i will be able to work until it is time to be a part of this fellowship, the one that has given me a new life> so off to the races, almost literally!

∞ DT ∞