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leads to prideful feelings and grandiosity. which are certainly two feelings i know well and ask to have removed on a nearly continual basis. one might even ask, if i am breaking my anonymity by writing this and posting it for the world to see. a very good question and one i have pondered at least once or thrice in the past. the answer, quite plainly is, this is not part of protracting anonymity, this is just about being me, and although i have doing plenty of work, my recovery is the product of application of the power given to me by the POWER that fuels my recovery. writing this, allows me to dump, and to experiment with what new notions happen to be coming into my head. doing this consistently, whether or not it is being read by anyone, allows me the freedom to just write what i think and when it comes time to share in a meeting, well, some of my brightest ideas have already been shown to be dimmer than i ever believed.
i have a friend that says once i have started talking about being humble, or practicing humility, i am already so not there. although on the surface, i do agree with that statement, there is a nagging burning feeling in the back of my head, that there is certainly something i am missing here. in the rooms, i hear what sounds like false humility all the time. it seems that for many, hiding their accomplishments under a bushel, is what they think is the spiritual path tells them to do. how would i begin to guess this, me being a victim of of my own pomposity, pride and grandiosity? i, too, fall into the trap of, if it is good, it must have come from outside of me, as nothing i do for myself, is ever anything more than self-will run riot. the truth is, when i am practicing a program of active recovery, i am working as a partner with the POWER that fuels my recovery, to become the man i have always wanted to be. it is that ACTIVE participation, that brings the rewards and to downplay my role in that process, well that is p[art of that false humility gig, building up my ego, by downplaying my contribution, showing everyone around me, how fVcking spiritual; i am, because i do not take any credit for my life in recovery. it was me, that put in the effort to graduate from college, because i had the opportunity and desire given to me from that POWER it is me, who chose to stay clean this morning, because the POWER that field my recovery, gave me the opportunity to chose. it is me, who got the job, shows up everyday and applies himself, because that POWER opened my mind to the possibility that i could and would be so much more than just another using addict. that in my book is true humility, acknowledging what i do in conjunction with the POWER that fuels my recovery, instead of minimizing the effort i exert.
anyhow, perhaps i gave you a moment to consider something different, for me, it is time to go and greet the world, by driving the 15 or so miles over to yet another keyboard for 8.5 hours of pounding out a web application and seeing what i can accomplish before my head hits the pillow. one thing is certain, i can and will stay clean, IF i listen to what the POWER that fuels my recovery is telling me and act on the opportunities i am presented.

∞ DT ∞