Blog entry for:

certainly a question i have pondered at least fifteen times before, and depending on where i was, i certainly got different answers.
way back in the end days of my using, i probably skimmed passed this as not being known to the world in general as an addict was a good thing, that way, their bias and prejudice, need never rain down on my head. i also took it to mean that i do not “out” my fellow members as i ran into them in social situations. so keeping things close to my chest, was a behavior i knew well, and keeping stuff secret was no big thang, anonymity was equivalent to holding on tho the secrets of others, it was always there to use against them when i need to.
over the course of the my days in recovery, i have come to see anonymity as meaning without name, selfless as it were and a state that is very difficult to achieve. i mean seriously, how do you handle loved ones who are still afraid to give food that is flavored with alcohol, because all they can remember is that once upon a time you were forced to partake in Antabuse (Disulfiram) treatment and would get sick when alcohol was introduced into your system.
yes, it is hard to NOT want a pat on the back, because of the time i have had clean, yes it is tough not to believe i DESERVE some acknowledgement for the number of steps i have worked, the number of others i have carried the message to and the amount a service i have done. i mean where the fVck is my lifetime achievement award? all of this and oh so much more plays against living in the spiritual principle of anonymity and the world screams daily at us, that we need not keep our light under a basket, top let it shine and accept the accolades and gratitude of the world around us for doing the next right thing.
as i go further and further down this path, i really am not working with hyperbole, after all this is how things are done today, and even though those who are supposedly part of the 12 step recovery community end up in the media touting this or that, with the journalists and bloggers just waiting to nail them on their next so-called “slip.”
the easier and simpler and much softer way? do my best to live the principles of the program and be the sort of person i have always wanted to be, and to NOT expect or demand, that anyone shower me with kudos, no matter how much better off the world is when i am not in active addiction. as much as it sometimes reeks of false humility, the result of my work is not my recovery, that is the source of my desire to stay clean today. no the result of my step work, is that i get another day clean and the opportunity to make that choice again tomorrow. currently the inertia of living a program feeds that momentum and allowing the outside force of the POWER that fuels my recovery to act upon me to foster that motion, is how i do it.
as much as i may want it, and i do, i know that praise and compliments for staying clean and being in recovery, especially from those outside the recovering community. are something i have to accept and need not seek. i know that doing the next right thing, staying clean today, is aligning my will to that of a HIGHER POWER, and accepting that with grace is my primary task each and every day.
so off to the streets i go, taking care of myself in the physical sense as well, after all, this action has its consequences as well, and most of them are desirable to me.

∞ DT ∞