Blog entry for:

...between a balanced recovery and simply not using. well as i was pondering this reading this morning, i flashed back to a realization that i had yesterday, which sort of ties into what this reading is about. i thought about someone i know in recovery, who has a long time clean, and i thought what an inspiration that this person was for me. and that is not a compliment. they have become an inspiration for what i do not want to become, as well as what i do want to become. by not doing what i see them do, and doing what i do not see them doing, i can continue my journey towards that goal. for the first time in my recovery, a feeling has come over me, that i want to live. by living, i mean getting the most out of my life. i do not wish to become a bitter old man, who knows everything, and whose voice has to be louder than everyone else’s, in order to get my point across. i do not want to end up on a scooter because i decide that food is a great replacement for the substances that used to take my feelings away. most of all, i do not want to be isolated from my fellow members, my loved ones, and those whom i consider my friends because i choose not to listen to what they are saying.
the road to all of that is application of the lessons i have learned in my step work, intro my daily life. you know the drill, practicing the principles in all of my affairs, living the program, not just paying lip service to it. actually working the steps with a sponsor. going to meetings regardless of who happens to be there. and doing my level best to be honest especially with myself about how i am feeling right here and right now. it is true that even exercise and diet may not keep me from a wheel chair, nor make my life any more enjoyable twenty years from now, but at least i will not end up there as a consequence of my behavior. even step work and doing my best to live a program may not keep me from being bitter and isolated, but at least i will have done the footwork to continue my journey of progress towards the person i have always wanted to be. and standing up to bullies and blowhards, may not endear me to everyone i meet, but at least i will be able to look myself in the mirror and say i took care of what i needed to take care of today.
so anyway, i am the sum of my decisions, i get that, and if i want to be more than i was yesterday, the only path is to decide to recover, not just stay clean. so it is off to the streets and into this very busy day i must go. life is good today, and those who inspire me, one way or another are exactly that -- inspirations to follow the path upon which i have been set. on that note, i will close by saying that i am certain that no matter what i become in the future, i will be the best man i cann be today. so off to the races i go.

∞ DT ∞